May 4, 2026

Unstable, Unbalanced and Difficult: Mary Todd Lincoln

Unstable, Unbalanced and Difficult: Mary Todd Lincoln
YouTube podcast player badge
Apple Podcasts podcast player badge
Spotify podcast player badge
Amazon Music podcast player badge
Podcast Addict podcast player badge
RSS Feed podcast player badge
Podchaser podcast player badge
YouTube podcast player iconApple Podcasts podcast player iconSpotify podcast player iconAmazon Music podcast player iconPodcast Addict podcast player iconRSS Feed podcast player iconPodchaser podcast player icon

Mary Todd Lincoln’s name still gets tossed around as shorthand for “unstable,” but that label collapses the real story into a punchline. We dig into what her life actually looks like when you line up the facts: a politically engaged woman raised in comfort and expectations, a complicated marriage to a self-made lawyer with a very different emotional style, and a public role that turns every choice into a target.

We walk through the major losses that shape her world, starting with the death of her mother when Mary is only six, then the death of her son Eddie, and later the devastating White House tragedy of losing Willie during the Civil War. With the country in crisis, Mary faces suspicion over her Kentucky roots, constant criticism of her spending, and a press culture eager to frame grief as “crazy.” We talk about how spiritualism and séances, common in the 1800s, become one more weapon used to mock her instead of understanding her trauma.

The story doesn’t end at Ford’s Theatre. After Abraham Lincoln’s assassination, Mary’s mourning is forced into public view while she struggles with money, reputation, and isolation. We cover the wardrobe sale scandal, her fight for a government pension, and the heartbreaking rupture with her eldest son Robert Todd Lincoln, including the 1875 commitment that she later challenges and overturns. If you care about Civil War history, First Lady history, trauma, and how public narratives get manufactured, this one will stick with you.

Subscribe for more history with bite, share the episode with a friend who loves Lincoln-era stories, and leave us a rating and review. What do you think matters more in Mary’s legacy: her actions, or the way people reacted to her grief?

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show













This website contains affiliate links. This means that if you click on a link and purchase a product, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. This helps support the running of this website and allows me to continue providing valuable content. Please note that I only recommend products and services that I believe in and have personally used or researched.

00:00 - Cold Open And Quick Banter

01:02 - Beer Tasting And Golf Birdie Story

05:08 - Mary’s Kentucky Upbringing And Education

09:44 - Meeting Lincoln And A Rocky Engagement

17:08 - Marriage Life And Early Child Loss

21:58 - White House Pressure And Civil War Suspicion

25:19 - Willie’s Death And Spiritualism Backlash

29:50 - Lincoln Assassination And Public Mourning

35:08 - Widowhood Money Stress And Wardrobe Scandal

40:12 - Paranoia Claims And Being Committed

44:16 - Release Fight Tad’s Death And Final Years

51:30 - Modern Parallels Closing And Where To Follow

Cold Open And Quick Banter

unknown

Stupid.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, hey there. Oh, hey there. Oh, the history of buffoons.

SPEAKER_03

I'm Bradley. I'm Kate. I was out there fast. How are you today?

SPEAKER_00

I'm good. I'm good. Um sorry if the lighting is a little more dim than usual. It is clouding up. Early evening.

SPEAKER_03

It is early evening. Yeah. It's a nice spring there. I don't know. Oh my gosh, it's so nice out. It's warm out. I'm already still.

SPEAKER_00

Bradley's wearing shorts.

SPEAKER_03

I was hot.

SPEAKER_00

I'm still in long sleeve.

SPEAKER_03

Well, because, you know, you're not as warm as myself. That's okay.

Beer Tasting And Golf Birdie Story

SPEAKER_00

So today we're gonna talk about what do we got? The grieving life of Mary Todd Lincoln.

SPEAKER_03

Oh dear.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. She went through a couple things.

SPEAKER_03

Do you talk about how her son was almost killed and then saved by No.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

No, I don't.

SPEAKER_03

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Why don't you say it briefly before we get into the beer?

SPEAKER_03

So what was it? He fell on like a railroad or something like that. I guess I'm I'm a little spotty on that aspect of the story. But um I and I was his name, Frank. John Wilkes booth, the guy who clearly killed her husband.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it was his brother. Yeah. Was it before or after?

SPEAKER_03

It was before. Okay. It was like it was pretty close too. I don't remember the exact time frame.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I've heard something like that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, which is fucking wild.

SPEAKER_00

So what beer do we have?

SPEAKER_03

We have a new lakefront beer. I always love lakefront beer. Uh shout out to uh Russ Clish. I've golfed with him 20 years ago. I don't know how fucking long.

SPEAKER_00

You don't golf.

SPEAKER_03

No, didn't that day either? Do you do you want to do it?

SPEAKER_00

Did you drink?

SPEAKER_03

Oh, did I drink? Do you want me to tell you my one my one story that I'm proud of for golf? Sure. I might have told you this before. So every year at the first distributor that I worked at, before we merged with this other one, we had a golf outing. We would invite obviously vendors, you know, for that we get our beer from. And then we'd also invite our our customers, certain customers, to this golf outing. This particular year, if I'm not mistaken, they decided to have a beer on every hole. That was a fucking mistake. So what the hell? Yeah. So um I think it was the same year that I did this. So we golfed, we always did it at the same golf course. It was in Pewaki where I'm where I'm from, which is nice. And at this particular golf course, I don't remember what whole number it is, but it goes like up a hill to like almost to like where the the clubhouse is and everything or whatever. But there's you know trees and stuff and so on and whatever. So I tee off fucking rocket ship right towards this tree. My ball falls. Like, cool, I got a birdie. My only one and only birdie. I literally killed a fucking bird. I'm like, how the fuck does that happen? Anyway, so I was I think that was the one I was I was golfing with Russ. If it wasn't, it was the year before. Doesn't matter. Russ is a cool dude, he makes good beer. So we have Weisscons.

SPEAKER_00

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

Umice hail. And it's a summary German-style wheat ale. I have this lighting, I still have one my eyes. Made with Wisconsin-grown hops and malted barley. So it is five percent. Like I said, it's from Lakefront Brewery. How does it smell?

SPEAKER_00

Good. Tasty.

SPEAKER_03

Cheers. Ooh, that's good. What do you think?

SPEAKER_00

It's a little strong for my taste, but I am gonna drink it.

SPEAKER_03

That's strong?

SPEAKER_00

Compare to Medello. It's flavorful.

SPEAKER_03

So you're saying Medello doesn't have flavor?

SPEAKER_00

It's more flavorful.

SPEAKER_03

I am a big fan of fleist beers. Um usually my go-to is imported ones like Packershore, which I I love, or uh Polaner. Some people call it Polaner. I don't know which one's right. I've heard both. Um my ultimate favorite brewery. Sierra Nevada used to have the one called Killer Vice. So delicious. Anyways, I don't even know if they still make it. I don't think they do. At least it's not out this way, I don't believe anymore. Anyways, go russ. This is delicious. I think it's on par. She thinks it's strong.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, so Mary Todd Lincoln was born in 1818 in Lexington, Kentucky.

SPEAKER_03

Is that where she first met him? Because he wasn't born in Illinois, even though Illinois will slap him all over their goddamn license plates.

SPEAKER_00

No, they did not meet in Kentucky.

SPEAKER_03

Did they meet in Illinois? Yes. Because isn't he he's also from Kentucky, if I'm not mistaken.

SPEAKER_00

He was born, but I think he was like two when he left.

SPEAKER_03

They still claim him. He wasn't born there. That's just like uh what's the sorry, the the license plate, the birthplace of flight, but the flight never actually happened there before the Wright brothers were born. What the fuck state is that now? Because it's always North Carolina. North Carolina.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Anyways.

SPEAKER_00

So she was born into a very well-connected, financially comfortable, stable family. Okay. Um, this was polished furniture, formal dinners, a very sociable um area. Um and it mattered who you knew.

SPEAKER_03

Where where in Kentucky was she born?

SPEAKER_00

Lexington.

SPEAKER_03

Lexington, that's right. Um her origin So her maiden name was Todd?

SPEAKER_00

So Is that right? Yes. No, no, no, her, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03

I think she just had a seizure, folks.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, her maiden name is Todd.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Because I I mean I always get Mary Todd Lincoln. I just wanted to make sure that was correct. Because I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's right. I I don't know. Anyways.

SPEAKER_00

So her father, Robert Todd, was a successful businessman and banker.

SPEAKER_03

Bob Todd.

SPEAKER_00

Bob Todd.

SPEAKER_03

Sorry. Bob Todd. What bank did he work for? Now I mean, like you and I have talked about. Oh, I wonder what's going up there. Probably another bank. Probably a bank. Fucking banks.

SPEAKER_00

So her father, um, sorry, um sorry, Bob Todd. So he was a business in a baker. Okay, so her mother died when Mary was six years old. Oh, that's sad.

SPEAKER_03

And that was the first of many tragedies in the Mary Todd Lincoln life. My my dad's mom died when he was six.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

That's really sad.

SPEAKER_00

So her father remarried fairly quickly after only a year. Okay. And Mary gained a stepmother she never really fully warmed to.

SPEAKER_03

So it's kind of like Cinderella.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm. And a bunch of like half-siblings. So the household was full and structured and at times times tense, and Mary learned how to stand her ground in a crowded room, something that would become her defining trait. Okay. She was educated in a way that set her apart from many other women of her time. She attended a finishing school where she studied French and literature and politics, and not in like an entry-level way. She was genuinely interested.

SPEAKER_03

More or less like going to college, yeah, in a way. Yeah. What it sounds like. So and like happily, she wanted to learn learning. Sure. Um, so was this obviously she loved learning. Was this kind of like, Mary, you're going to this thing from dad or something, or just like what and if you don't know this, that's fine. Just guess. I want to go do this, Dad. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I don't know whose idea it was.

SPEAKER_03

Um because if she liked it so much, I could see maybe her like advocating for herself to go. This would be good for me, dad.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And fuck you stop. Yeah. Anyways.

SPEAKER_00

Um, she followed political debates, understood party divisions and opinions, and she had strong ones herself. They didn't, her opinions didn't always make her popular, especially in a society that preferred women to be dainty, agreeable, and quiet.

SPEAKER_03

And quiet, silent, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Mary was not.

SPEAKER_03

She spoke out.

SPEAKER_00

She was witty, she was sharp, and could be cutting when she wanted to be.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

People often described her as lively and intelligent, but also temperamental.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

Meeting Lincoln And A Rocky Engagement

SPEAKER_00

She had a quick tongue and didn't always soften her thoughts before speaking them. Oh, good. In a drawing room, she could charm you or absolutely dismantle you, sometimes in the same conversation. That's awesome. In her early 20s, Mary moved to Springfield, Illinois to live with her sister Elizabeth. And this is where she starts to interact with Abraham Lincoln. Okay. So if I recall, Abraham's born in Kentucky, I think for like two years, then moved to Indiana, then moved to Springfield.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, he did he lived in Indiana's. I think he did. I think he did. I guess if if that's the case, I I guess I never knew that personally. I just know that Illinois likes to land of Lincoln. It's like, okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

You know my thoughts at Illinois.

SPEAKER_00

I do. So Springfield at the time was a growing political hub, and Mary stepped right into those uh social circles.

SPEAKER_03

How long was she there before she met Abraham? Do you do do you have any idea?

SPEAKER_00

Um, I don't know. She did meet around, they did meet around 19, 1839.

SPEAKER_03

Like 19, whoa.

SPEAKER_00

Or 1840. So I'm not sure how long she was there.

SPEAKER_03

So she would have already been 20, 20, 22 at this time.

SPEAKER_00

And she moved in her early 20s, so it could have been around pretty much the same time.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, okay. So well, I mean, a lot less people back then.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Easier to meet, I guess. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

So she attended gatherings, um, met rising politicians, and made it very clear that she intended to marry someone with ambition. Oh, well, she once reportedly said that she would marry a man who would become the president of the United States.

SPEAKER_03

Well, she checked that off the list.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. So Mary met Abraham Lincoln around 1840, as I said, at a social gathering. They didn't quite match, like on the surface.

SPEAKER_03

Is it because he was super tall and didn't have his beard yet?

SPEAKER_00

He was tall. He was awkward.

SPEAKER_03

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

He had um kind of a higher-pitched voice. Did he really? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Four years ago. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was kind of weird like that. Um, and he also came from really humble beginnings.

SPEAKER_03

Abraham did? Yes. Oh, yeah, for sure. He was hunting vampires. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

He didn't have Mary's polished upbringing or formal education.

SPEAKER_03

He was he came from a log cabin. Yeah. I mean, and he was he literally, what didn't he like chop down trees and shit and what all that other stuff? So he didn't go to finishing school, is what I'm trying to say.

SPEAKER_00

No, he was self-educated and yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_00

So he was intelligent, um, really thoughtful. He had a dry sense of humor and matched her wit, you know, quietly.

SPEAKER_03

Do people ever have a wet sense of humor? Wow. I got I don't know if you've ever heard of the Death Star. I just got the Death Star.

SPEAKER_00

So they connected quickly. Their relationship um was anything but smooth. Sure. They became engaged and then broke it off pretty dramatically in 1841.

SPEAKER_03

How is it broken off dramatically?

SPEAKER_00

So I didn't write it down. I didn't, you know, put it into words. However, you're going off of memory here. I'm going off of memory.

SPEAKER_03

We are fucked, folks.

SPEAKER_00

Um, they went to a party, and I guess she was talking to another man. Scandalous. I don't know if there were flirtations happening or what, but Abraham was like, I don't think this is for me.

SPEAKER_03

I ain't dating this hussy. No?

SPEAKER_00

I doubt it.

SPEAKER_03

I'm sorry, he had a higher picture.

SPEAKER_00

Hey, dating this hussy. So Lincoln actually went through a really deep depression after the split.

SPEAKER_03

Is it because of the split?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Oh wow. Yeah. It wasn't a clean ending. It was messy. It was emotional. Um Mary questioned whether Lincoln had the drive she wanted in a partner anyway. And Lincoln questioned whether he was suited for marriage at all. Like he wasn't sure if he even wanted to be married. Um, but obviously we know differently 20 and 20 or whatever those are.

SPEAKER_03

So no, that's literally what they say.

SPEAKER_00

So they found their way back to each other eventually and married in 1842. The fact that they reunited after such a rocky breakup says a lot about the pull that they had towards one another.

SPEAKER_03

Do you think they're like reunited and it feels so good?

SPEAKER_00

Reunited.

SPEAKER_03

Don't sing it.

SPEAKER_00

Their marriage was a mix of affection, frustration.

SPEAKER_03

Well, that sounds like marriage.

SPEAKER_00

And some differences.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, sounds like marriage. Mary was a You can't tell me you don't have some of that with Nathan. You can't tell me I don't have some of that with Sarah.

SPEAKER_00

I don't think Nathan realizes that I have sarcasm.

SPEAKER_03

No, that is that is 100% accurate.

SPEAKER_00

Um, quick little story. He takes things very literal. He does. Quick little story. Um, him mostly him, but him and I spent several days um breaking down venison and adding beans to it, and da da da.

SPEAKER_03

You were doing the sausage hours on this. I remember this.

SPEAKER_00

The very next day, Bradley's over and we're about to podcast or whatnot. Yeah. And we were talking about dinner, I think.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. It's like, well, what are we gonna have for dinner?

SPEAKER_00

I and I said, Oh, I wish we had venison. And he goes, That's what's literally what we've been working on the last couple of days. It's like, I know that was sarcasm.

SPEAKER_03

I remember that. Oh my god. That was so great. He he does take things a lot very literal most of the time. But I've in in my time of knowing him, I've I've learned that. And I try and like, because you know me, I'm super fucking sarcastic. Yeah, I try and curb that a little bit when I'm around just so I don't know, like, what? What don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_00

I freak my students out all the time because I'll say something and they'll be like, What? I think someone asked to borrow a pencil, and I said, Okay, it's just 75 cents. And I said, Oh, like I was like, Oh, that's fine. Yeah, 75 cents. And she was like, uh I don't have changed with me. Who's like, Jesus Christ?

SPEAKER_03

I uh I do I do that a lot with Sarah too. It's like I will I will say things so straightforward and straight face and whatever. She like, are you serious? No, not even close.

SPEAKER_00

You do that to me, and I'm like, really? Because it's mostly about music because I think I'm right in something, and you're like, Yes, and I'm like, really?

SPEAKER_03

What was it just earlier?

SPEAKER_00

You're uh we were talking about the Astros, weren't we?

SPEAKER_03

Well, you brought them up. Larry Bird.

SPEAKER_00

Larry Bird was on TV, and I was like, I know who Larry Bird is.

SPEAKER_03

And I'm like, what team did he play for? I'm like, the New York Knicks? I'm like, no. I'm like, you're in the same area. I said area meaning location.

SPEAKER_00

And then I said Astros or something, yeah, different sport.

SPEAKER_03

And but my response right away is like, yeah, you're like, really?

SPEAKER_00

No. Okay, okay.

Marriage Life And Early Child Loss

SPEAKER_03

Anyways, anyways, anyways, sorry.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So Mary was expressive, emotional, and socially driven, and Lincoln was very reserved, lost in thought, and could be distant. Um, he spent long stretches away traveling because he is a lawyer in in Springfield, and he travels for his legal work, writing the circuit. Um, and Mary stayed in Springfield managing the home and the children that she will be having, is having, whatever.

SPEAKER_03

Wait.

SPEAKER_00

There are there are children.

SPEAKER_03

Mary and Abraham, I know there's children.

SPEAKER_00

Mary and Abraham had four sons, and I'll get into each of them separately. Um, we have Robert, um, Edward, or they called him Eddie. We have William, whom they called Willie, and Thomas, whom they called Tad, because apparently he looked like a tadpole when he was young. Like big head little body.

SPEAKER_03

I think is it? I think Tad is the one that the the John Wilkes Booth bro. I kind of want to say it's Frank, but I don't think I'm right on that. But for some reason I keep going. I think Tad was the one that he saved, if I'm not mistaken. I could be wrong. Doesn't matter. Continue.

SPEAKER_00

So their second son, Eddie, died in 1850 at just four years old, likely from tuberculosis.

SPEAKER_03

Fucking TB.

SPEAKER_00

And this loss hit Mary very, very, very four.

SPEAKER_03

Because he was the second son. Second son, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So this is her second loss.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, because she lost mom at six.

SPEAKER_00

Technically, her dad remarried and kind of lost that.

SPEAKER_03

Well, to a degree.

SPEAKER_00

But um, she was known to grieve intensely, and Eddie's death lingered with her.

SPEAKER_03

Um I mean, I can't blame her.

SPEAKER_00

So even before the White House years, grief was already pretty much written in her history.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So financially, their situation before Lincoln became president was complicated, but not in dire straits. Lincoln was a successful lawyer by the 1850s and they lived comfortably in Springfield. They owned their own home. They weren't struggling in a way some people like some people might assume. Sure. They weren't wealthy in Lexington, uh, in the wet Lexington way that Mary was. Right. Um, but they were comfortable. They were comfortable. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Fair enough.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. So Mary did have a taste for finer things. In fact, she was a little bit of a shopaholic.

SPEAKER_03

Well, she her upbringing would obviously kind of gear towards that, right?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So she loved clothing and furnishings and presentation, and that sometimes clashed with Lincoln's more modest approach.

SPEAKER_03

We're in a log cabin, we don't need these things.

SPEAKER_00

So if we put a hole in the wood, then we got turbo. Whatever.

SPEAKER_03

Anyways, it created That was terrible, by the way.

SPEAKER_00

It created tension, especially when it came to money, and Lincoln was careful and Mary was impulsive.

SPEAKER_03

She was really okay.

SPEAKER_00

So socially, though, Mary played a very important role in Lincoln's rise. Yeah. She understood politics in a way that many of his peers wives did not.

SPEAKER_03

Well, because she more or less studied that. So she had a very inside, early inside look to it. So she she knew how to lack of a better way of saying it, play the game to get him to rise up. Right.

SPEAKER_00

So she would host gatherings and engaged in conversations and help build connections. Okay. And she did believe in his potential. Um finally. Yes.

SPEAKER_03

Thank God, Mary.

SPEAKER_00

Mary. So their marriage wasn't simple or consistently happy in a way that people like to imagine.

SPEAKER_01

Sure.

SPEAKER_00

Um, it did have warmth and loyalty, but there were also arguments and stress and long periods of emotional distance. It's called marriage. So they were very different people trying to build a life together in a time that didn't make it easy.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

By the time Lincoln was elected president in 1860, Mary had already lived through the loss of her mother, a strained relationship with her stepmother, the death of a child, and years of navigating a marriage that required patience and resilience. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Everyone. Every marriage names that seriously.

White House Pressure And Civil War Suspicion

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna readjust here. That's fine. So by the time Mary Todd Lincoln arrived at the White House in 1861, she wasn't walking into a dream. It was more of a storm. A shit storm? The country was falling apart. I wonder why. Fucking Confederates. Within weeks of Abraham Lincoln taking office, the American Civil War had begun. And the White House become became less of a home and more of a command center for a nation in crisis.

SPEAKER_03

Did you know he was the first Republican president? Did you know where the Republican Party was?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, because he was a he was a uh Whig.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Do you know where the Republican Party started? You should. I I've asked you this question on the podcast before.

SPEAKER_00

Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_03

Ripon.

SPEAKER_00

Wisconsin. Ripon Wisconsin. Yeah, he was a Whig.

SPEAKER_03

Or white Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_00

So for Mary, this meant that her role as First Lady wasn't about hosting pleasant social gatherings or elegant dinners.

SPEAKER_03

It was about action.

SPEAKER_00

It was more about navigating suspicion, actually.

SPEAKER_03

Of what?

SPEAKER_00

Her Kentucky roots.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

So her Kentucky roots became That sounds like a little bit of a little bit of a little bit under a microscope. Went under a microscope. Kentucky was a border state with divided loyalties, and several members of her own family supported the Confederacy, and some fought for it. That alone made people question her loyalty, whispering that she might be a Southern sympathizer or a spy.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I mean, do you realize that like one of the first people for NASA was a Nazi? People change.

SPEAKER_00

So the whispers would like follow her from room to room, every decision, every appearance. If she spent money decorating the White House, which she did, and often it was labeled as excessive or inappropriate during wartime. If she spoke passionately, it was called unstable.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00

If she w withdrew, she was criticized for being cold. There wasn't a version of herself that the public seemed willing to accept.

SPEAKER_03

So she was in a no-win scenario. Yes. 100%. Because everyone's gonna criticize every single fucking move that she does, clearly. Um, whether it be to from decorating, withdrawing, because that's what they wanted that, but now that she's withdrawing, it's like, why is she decorating? Yeah, you know, it's like fuck off, people. Yeah, and it's it's almost similar like with the Kentucky Roots thing. It's like that's her past. She's been in Springfield, Illinois for how long now? It's just like someone like, well, 12 years ago, he tweeted this. Okay, people can fucking change you, a-holes.

SPEAKER_00

So at the same time, Mary was trying to manage the emotional weight of living in a house filled with constant reminders of war.

SPEAKER_03

I thought you were gonna say living in a house that's white.

SPEAKER_00

Um, wounded soldiers passed through Washington and funerals became routine.

SPEAKER_03

Well, it is it is wartime.

Willie’s Death And Spiritualism Backlash

SPEAKER_00

Uh, and Mary didn't observe the war from a distance because she visited hospitals. She spoke with injured soldiers and tried to um for offer comfort where she could. Sure. Um Wow, that was I'm I'm so fucking and then in 1862, the war reached into her own home. Her son Willie fell ill. Oh no, which was likely typhoid fever. Oh the White House water supply was contaminated, which meant that the very place that was supposed to be the safest for her children became the source of danger.

SPEAKER_03

So wait, was it like intentionally contaminated? No, it just something happened. And okay.

SPEAKER_00

Um, Willie grew weaker and died at 11 years old. Jesus Christ. She lost a kid at four and eleven. A second child.

SPEAKER_03

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00

Now, this was during war. It was during our stay at the White House. She was surrounded by pressure and scrutiny, and now she has this grief on a national scale.

SPEAKER_03

So they're expecting her to put on a happy face. Not a maybe not happy, but like put on a face that's like, all right, we're doing it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, put on your game face. That's a great way to put it. But I just lost my second fucking kid.

SPEAKER_00

So Willie had actually been really close to both Abraham and Mary, and his death hit both of them like incredibly hard. Oh, I and Mary's grief was overwhelming and consuming. Okay. She withdrew almost completely for a time. She couldn't bear the rooms that reminded her of him, couldn't move past the feeling that she had lost something irreplaceable in the middle of everything else that was falling apart with the country.

SPEAKER_02

Sure.

SPEAKER_00

And instead of receiving compassion, she was met with criticism. Fucking people. People began to label her as unstable, over overly emotional, even irrational.

SPEAKER_03

People are just terrible.

SPEAKER_00

Her grief might be understood as profound and complex today, but back then it was inappropriate and excessive.

SPEAKER_03

Excessive. Hey, my my son just died. Let's do this.

SPEAKER_00

So there was very little space for a woman in her position to openly fall apart even after losing a child. And Mary searched for ways to cope, and one of the paths she turned to was spiritualism, which was popular at the time. Yeah, for sure. She attended seances hoping to communicate with Willie. For her, it was more about the connection, about trying to reach across that divide. Yeah. Um, but again, another reason to mock her.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I mean, I have to make fun of her for that too, because it's just not gonna work.

SPEAKER_00

So meanwhile, Abraham Lincoln continued to carry the weight of the war, and their marriage during this time became a complex mix of grief and shared burdens.

SPEAKER_01

Sure.

SPEAKER_00

Um, they both love their son deeply, but they processed the loss differently.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Lincoln threw himself into his work, often staying emotionally distant, not out of indifference, but because that's how he coped. Yep. Mary needed closeness and reassurance and space to grieve in a way that didn't have like a clear ending. Yeah. Like, okay, you need to be over this by such and such time.

SPEAKER_03

So that's very tough because like everyone grieves in their own way. Um like I grieve in weird ways with dark humor. That's what I do. She needed that, he needed this. I mean, so it's it's hard. Everyone grieves in different ways. It sucks when they're so not compatible. Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_00

So that difference created some distance with them at times, even as they remained connected by everything else. The war dragged on and the pressure didn't ease. Um, casualties mounted. Yep. Criticism of Lincoln's leadership grew and shifted depending on the outcome of the battles.

SPEAKER_01

Of course, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And Mary remained a target for public scrutiny, often unfairly. Her spending habits, her emotional um volatility.

SPEAKER_03

Volatility.

SPEAKER_00

Her background, everything was dissected and judged.

SPEAKER_03

And it's crazy that it was so she was so scrutinized in a time where people didn't know her, you know? Not like today, where like everything's on TV. On TV, on Twitter, on internet, on name, name your fucking thing here. But back then it's like you literally had to know the person, or you're reading something that probably was written fucking weeks ago and is finally getting you, kind of shit. It's like the fact that she was so scrutinized is really kind of sad. Honestly.

Lincoln Assassination And Public Mourning

SPEAKER_00

So by 1865, the war was finally coming to an end, the Confederacy was collapsing, and there was um a sense of like fragile, cautious, but real that the worst might be over. And it feel felt like there might be some relief. Sure. But then what happened? On April 14th, 1865, Mary and Abraham attended a play at Ford's Theater. It was meant to be an evening away from the constant strain to relax after years of this tension. And during the performance, Lincoln, as many know, has been shot by John Wilkes Booth. Mary was sitting beside him when it happened. She heard it, she saw it, and immediately understood that something was terribly wrong.

SPEAKER_03

Well, yeah, your husband's dead.

SPEAKER_00

The scene was chaotic, confusing, and fearful. Lincoln was carried across the street to a boarding house where doctors worked through the night.

SPEAKER_03

Try to save him. Because he was shot in the head, right?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think so. If I'm not mistaken. Mary was kept away for parts of it because her grief was so intense that those um around her feared that she would collapse completely.

SPEAKER_02

Oh dear, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And then, of course, he died the next morning. In a matter of years, Mary had lost her son, well, her mother, two sons, and now her husband.

SPEAKER_03

Fucking hell. That is a that is that's tough, man. That that weighs on you.

SPEAKER_00

After the assassination, um she never fully recovered from those experiences. The combination of her personal loss, public scrutiny, and the constant stress of war left lasting marks on her. Not surprised. Mary Todd Lincoln's White House years were defined by survival. Um, she lived through history and paid for it in ways that most people around her never fully understood.

SPEAKER_03

Never could understand.

SPEAKER_00

After Abraham Lincoln died, Mary Todd Lincoln lost the center of her world.

SPEAKER_03

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

And the immediately aftermath, there was no quiet space for grief. Everything was public.

SPEAKER_03

The nation more you are in a public position, yeah. Position. You're married to the fucking president. So I get I get that part of it. But at the same time, come on, people, she just lost her fucking husband. Not even yeah, we lost our president, but she just lost her husband. That's even more intimate, personal, whatever you want to say. So, like, give her a fucking moment for fuck's sake.

SPEAKER_00

The nation mourned Lincoln. Um, and Mary mourned a husband that she had been sitting by hours earlier. She and she was inconsolable. Sure. And in the days following the assassination, Mary's grief was so intense that she could barely function. She cried uncontrollably, refused to attend parts of the funeral proceedings, and withdrew from the public view. If I recall, he Lincoln's body actually traveled around the United States in like a procession all the way to Springfield.

SPEAKER_03

And you know what's really weird? If I'm if I'm getting this right, if I'm not remembering correctly, which again, I don't trust myself. There is a photo of his coffin, casket, whatever, going through I don't remember which town it was. But it's like, okay, so here's the street. It's building up here, right? The picture is taken from this angle. Up in the window is uh Roosevelt as a kid. Fucking weird.

SPEAKER_00

Which one?

SPEAKER_03

Whichever one was president first as a Roosevelt. Theodore I'm fucking. This is why we do a history podcast. Because there's a good reason why we put oons, oon in buffs, because we're buffoons. Our memories are f we're we're getting up. We're getting up in years. I mean I am. Um I I I hate how I cannot remember some of the shit. Because I know it. I just don't want to say the wrong fucking name. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So it's like because there was Teddy, and then who was the other one?

SPEAKER_03

Theodore. Just kidding. Same guy.

SPEAKER_00

It was like, what?

SPEAKER_03

Franklin. It was Franklin, yeah. It was Franklin. Franklin. It was Teddy. Oh. I'm almost positive it was Teddy because it was Teddy and then because Frank wasn't Franklin the one during World War II and all that, right? Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Yeah, it was Teddy. I'm almost I want to say it was Teddy who was in the picture as a kid. Yeah. I believe. So I'll look into it later.

SPEAKER_00

At the time, people didn't interpret this, like her not going to the funeral proceedings as trauma. They didn't interpret it as trauma. They interpreted it as instability.

SPEAKER_03

Fucking hell.

SPEAKER_00

And these words tend to follow her: unstable, unbalanced, and difficult.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. So Yeah, you know, I just lost my husband. Fucking hell.

SPEAKER_00

This is really where the narrative of Mary Todd Lincoln begins to take hold.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

Widowhood Money Stress And Wardrobe Scandal

SPEAKER_00

Losing her mind. People think she is losing her mind. And it grew out of years of loss and pressure and very visible emotional reactions that people don't know how to categorize.

SPEAKER_03

Being a public figure, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So after leaving the White House, Mary returned to a private life. She carried debt, controversy, and a reputation that had already been damaged during her time as first lady.

SPEAKER_03

What kind of debt did she have?

SPEAKER_00

You know, I didn't look into that.

SPEAKER_03

I'm just curious. I'm not saying it's like it's wiped clean because your husband was president, but it's like I just I'm curious.

SPEAKER_00

I think she ended up, I think she ended up suing the government for aid as a widowed first lady. Oh wow. I think there was something along those lines. Something like that? Interesting.

SPEAKER_03

I never heard of that either. Okay. Uh that's crazy though. Anyways, sorry. Continue on.

SPEAKER_00

So she had already lost her son Eddie. Yep. Lost her son Willie during the war. Yep. And now her husband was gone. Yep. Her surviving children became her entire world, but even that was complicated. I'm sure. Her youngest Tad was still a child and deeply attached to her. Yep. But their their oldest son, Robert Todd Lincoln, had a very different relationship with her. Robert had spent much of his early life removed from the chaos of his parents' dynamic. And by the time of the assassination, he was an adult trying to build his own life and career.

SPEAKER_03

How old was he? What do you remember when he was born?

SPEAKER_00

Fuck. I don't think I've got the year of when he was born.

SPEAKER_03

So he wasn't already a uh already an adult at this time. I guess I didn't realize he was that old. Because he is the oldest when you said it, correct?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So the oldest and the youngest, the two middle died.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

So emo where Mary was emotional and reactive, Robert was controlled and pragmatic. He didn't process grief the same way, and he didn't respond to his mother's behavior with the same kind of emotional understanding she seemed to need.

SPEAKER_03

Or compassion for that matter, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And that gap s between them widened quickly.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure it created a rift that you was not repairable, more or less, right?

SPEAKER_00

So Mary struggled financially in the years after Lincoln's death, which added another layer of stress.

SPEAKER_01

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

She believed not entirely without reason that she was entitled to more financial support from the government as the widow of a president, as I was saying. She did put petition Congress for a pension and eventually received one. Oh, really? But the process was really slow and humiliating for her. Of course it was. In the meantime, she made decisions that fed into the public perception that something was wrong.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And uh one of the most infamous incidences came in 1867 when Mary attempted to sell a large portion of her wardrobe in New York under a pseudonym. She worked with a broker to discreetly auction off her clothing and personal items, hoping to raise money for herself without drawing attention. Sure. And of course, that did not stay discreet. Of course. The story broke and it became a scandal.

SPEAKER_03

How how did that break? Like, how did how did someone find that out?

SPEAKER_00

I'm not sure how they found out, but newspapers ended up portraying her as desperate and irrational and greedy. She's trying greedy.

SPEAKER_03

She's fucking selling her shit so she can live.

SPEAKER_00

How the fucking She's just people with who don't have the the facts. No, and they're jumping to conclusions.

SPEAKER_03

It was they had their own truths.

SPEAKER_00

So she was a widow trying to secure financial stability after years of upheaval, and then this public opinion is all against her.

SPEAKER_03

That's so sad.

SPEAKER_00

Mary then began to develop what would today be recognized probably as paranoia.

SPEAKER_01

Sure.

SPEAKER_00

She believed people were trying to poison her, steal from her, or otherwise harm her.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

She worked worried constantly about money, even when she had enough to live on.

SPEAKER_03

I worry about money every day.

SPEAKER_00

She spent erratically at times, then panicked about those same expenses. To people around her, this behavior looked unpredictable and alarming, but to Mary, it felt like survival.

SPEAKER_03

Did did she did you say did she go back to Springfield? Yeah. Okay. Is she still like close with her sister that was there?

Paranoia Claims And Being Committed

SPEAKER_00

She's close to her sister, but she also travels abroad. Okay. So I'll get to that. All right. So she had lived through repeated trauma and her sense of safety, her physical, emotional, and financial safety had been shaken. Her mind was trying to make sense of the world that was repeatedly proven to be unsafe for her. For her. Yeah. Um. But again, language of the time, she is unstable. So Robert, the eldest son, watched all of this unfold um with increasing concern, but also frustration. He was trying to establish himself professionally and socially, and his mother's behavior was becoming a liability in his eyes.

SPEAKER_03

So he did he try to separate himself from in a w in a way. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Um he worried about her, but he also struggled on how to handle her. So in 1875, Robert made the decision to have his mother committed to an asylum.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, fuck's sake.

SPEAKER_00

He arranged for a trial in which Mary was examined and declared insane by a jury. Holy fuck, really?

SPEAKER_03

I guess I never knew this about Mary.

SPEAKER_00

The evidence presented included her erratic spending, her fears of being poisoned, and emotion in her emotional instability. From a modern perspective, much of this reads as a mix of grief, trauma, and possibly underlying mental health conditions.

SPEAKER_03

Which could have been attributed to the loss of her kids. Yes. Loss of her husband. Yes. A fucking very political uh fallout. Well, that too, but a very I didn't mean political, public life. Yes. Everything? Yes. Oh my word. It's just like have your own fucking kid commit you. God damn.

SPEAKER_00

So she was sent to a private mental institution in Illinois. Okay. From Mary's perspective, this was a betrayal.

SPEAKER_03

Can you blame her?

SPEAKER_00

Her own son orchestrated it. She felt trapped, humiliated, furious. She actually wrote letters insisting that she was sane, pleading for her release, and slowly began to rally for support. And this is where things kind of turn a little bit. Oh. Mary didn't accept the diagnosis. She's a smart, intelligent woman. She fought it. So within a few months, she secured her release and later had the ruling overturned entirely. Oh wow. She regained control of her finances and her legal independence, which complicates the idea that she was completely detached from reality before.

SPEAKER_03

100%. Because I mean, okay. If you can do that, clearly you're not fucking insane. Right. So how did this affect her relationship with her oldest son?

SPEAKER_00

Um, they never fully recovered.

SPEAKER_03

They shouldn't have. You know why? Because if I were her, I'd say, fuck you, Bob Todd Lincoln. Yeah. And why why were that why was his name Robert Todd Lincoln? Why wasn't it Robert Lincoln?

SPEAKER_00

Because it was named after her dad, full full Robert Todd.

SPEAKER_03

Her kid.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Why was it not just Robert Lincoln?

SPEAKER_00

Because he was named fully after her dad, Robert Todd.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, Todd's his middle name.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

unknown

Oh.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, they made yeah, they made Todd his middle name.

SPEAKER_03

I okay. Um I I got confused because her name's Mary Todd Lincoln.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Anyways, Bob Todd.

SPEAKER_00

So she actually had a name change.

SPEAKER_03

She did?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Um, let me look it up real quick. Um was it Laquitia? What? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

I'm just I literally the first name that came to mind was that, and I don't even know if it's a real fucking name. She was born Mary Ann Todd. Mary Ann Todd. Yeah, and typically back then, you tip when you get married, you take your maiden name and it becomes your middle name. However, so she wasn't a Todd Dash Lincoln? She was just Mary Todd Lincoln?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, she was just Mary Todd Lincoln.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, this whole time I thought she was like Todd Dash Lincoln? Yeah, like hyphenated.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So if I recall from something that I've read, when the stepmother showed up with their siblings, with her half siblings, one of them was named. Mary Ann. Oh. And so Mary lost her name, essentially. And she became Mary Todd. Mary Todd Lincoln. Mary Todd.

SPEAKER_03

So How How are they how are they half-sisters if they showed up?

Release Fight Tad’s Death And Final Years

SPEAKER_00

Sorry, not half-sisters, but step sisters step siblings. Step, not half.

SPEAKER_03

Step step step.

SPEAKER_00

So she also lost her name at one point. Okay, so. Can you blame her for going crazy? Right? So she was capable of advocating for herself, organizing the support, and navigating the legal system when she needed to. Okay. But like I said, the relationship with Robert was lasting and they never fully recovered. Yeah. So in the years that followed, Mary lived a quieter life. Sure. She actually went to Europe trying to find some distance from the place where much of her pain had unfolded.

SPEAKER_03

Much of her uh anguish came from.

SPEAKER_00

However, in 1871, her youngest son Tad died. From what? At the age of 18.

SPEAKER_03

Good lord.

SPEAKER_00

He most likely died. Um, let me think. Uh when did he die? Tuberculosis, maybe pneumonia.

SPEAKER_03

I guess it's tuberculosis.

SPEAKER_00

Tuberculosis, potentially with pneumonia.

SPEAKER_03

Doesn't do don't correct me if I'm wrong or don't correct me if you don't know, but don't a lot of people have tuberculosis like get pneumonia, and that's like a very like because it's like a respiratory right?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I I'm I'm not an expert by any stretch on tuberculosis or pneumonia for that matter. But um I always thought, like, when you have tuberculosis, pneumonia is like a fucking destination for you.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I could be wrong, I don't know. But um do you ever think in her well fucked up life, we'll call it, because of all the grief she went through. It's like, why wasn't you, Bob?

SPEAKER_00

No, she wouldn't think that. He had her fucking committed. He she wouldn't think that.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, you would hope not, but he had her committed.

SPEAKER_00

But Tad died at the age of 18. It was her third child lost. Jesus Christ. Um, at that time she buried three of her sons and her husband.

SPEAKER_03

It took her that long to bury all three of them. Stop. Oh, sorry.

SPEAKER_00

The loss was layered on top of loss with very little time or support to heal in between. So when people at the time described her as crazy, were what they were reacting to was a woman who grieved loudly.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, she didn't hide it. She didn't do it behind closed doors. She just grieved.

SPEAKER_00

And she didn't fit the narrow expectations placed on her. Yeah. She didn't hide her pain well. She didn't package it into something socially acceptable.

SPEAKER_03

No, because again, everyone grieves differently. And that was her version of it.

SPEAKER_00

So Mary Todd Lincoln spent her final years um largely removed from public life, living with her sister in Springfield.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

She remained physically frail and emotionally marked by everything that she had endured.

SPEAKER_01

Can you blame her?

SPEAKER_00

When she died in 1882, she was 63 years old. By then, the story that had been built around her was already set in people's minds as being difficult, unstable, and tragic. That's crazy. But of course, if you look closely at her life after the assassination, it reads less like a sudden descent into madness and more of this is just a woman who is grieving the loss of her entire family. More or less, yeah. And she could hold on to what she could hold on to.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and that's the thing. That's why it's like, I'm sorry if I don't think you ever would, God forbid. If Xavier had me committed, there would be a problem between him and I.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So for her to have her oldest son commit her.

SPEAKER_00

And now only son, really.

SPEAKER_03

Well, and then and then becomes yeah, but that but then becomes only son, but like and his reasoning behind it though, because he's trying to build his career. I gotta get mom out of the picture. It's like, dude, fuck you, man.

SPEAKER_00

That's it's like the Kennedys taking their daughter to the wherever to get her, yeah, to get her fucking lobotomy and just just get her out of the picture.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, she she she she died a little bit that way. That that's West. No, that's West. Forgot where we are.

SPEAKER_00

That's West.

SPEAKER_03

That's north. But yeah, no, and it's it's more or less the same kind of concept that they're like, well, she's gonna she's a problem, she's a problem, and we're public and she's gonna cause an issue. Fuck, his name was Bob too. Bob Kennedy, right? Robert Bob Kennedy? If I'm not Bill? Oh, Bill. No, I'm thinking of uh her was that her brother then? Because Robert Kennedy Jr. Robert Kennedy?

SPEAKER_00

I don't know, doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_03

No, I I think you're right. I think it was Bill. My my apologies.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. So anyway, Mary Todd Lincoln and her insane upbringing, yeah, life life and commitment.

SPEAKER_03

Fuck, that's tragic. Like I know to lose that many fucking people that were so. Again, I don't like to dwell on it. I don't think I do. Like, the first close, really close person I lost was my dad. I love my grandma.

SPEAKER_00

And his birthday's tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03

His birthday's tomorrow. I loved my grandma. I was close with her, but I wasn't my fucking dad. Basically, is all I'm saying. I miss my grandma. Great, whatever. The very closest person I've ever lost is my dad. And yes, his birthday is tomorrow, he would have been 84. But she lost her kids. She lost her fucking husband. In his prime, really. I mean, he was not that old. She wasn't that old. And then to lose another kid and then to have your kid commit you. It's like, what the fuck? What other sh and then had to have the public scru scrutiny of of like, hey, I need some money. I'm gonna sell my wardrobe. Oh, it's like fuck off, people.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Seriously. Just trying to survive here.

Modern Parallels Closing And Where To Follow

SPEAKER_03

Just just trying to get some money to pay the bills, am I right? But we live in a fucked up world and it's even more fucked up now because of the social media aspect of things, the instant fucking gratification, if you will, of things, where someone in this state said this. Two seconds later, someone on the other side of the country be like, Did you hear what so-and-so said? Yeah. So, like, even back then for her, with none of these things, people just fucking scrutinized her so bad. It's like fuck off. I'm grieving the loss of my fucking family members at different intervals. But Jesus Christ, what what is the problem here? Why are you like scrutinizing me so much? And people grieve in different ways, you know? But it's like fucking hell. Welp.

SPEAKER_00

I suppose.

SPEAKER_03

Alright, buffoons. That's it for today's episode.

SPEAKER_00

Buckle up because we've got another historical adventure waiting for you next time. Feeling hungry for more buffoonery? Or maybe you have a burning question or a wild historical theory for us to explore?

SPEAKER_03

Hit us up on social media. We're History Buffoons Podcast on YouTube, X, Instagram, and Facebook. You can also email us at history buffoonspodcast at gmail.com. We are Bradley and Kate, music by Corey Akers.

SPEAKER_00

Follow us wherever you get your podcasts and turn those notifications on to stay in the loop.

SPEAKER_03

Until next time, stay curious and don't forget to rate and review us.

SPEAKER_00

Remember, the buffoonery never stops.