Two Polite Porcupines: Marie Antoinette

0:13 oh, hey there, oh hey there. This is our third time starting. This is our third take on starting the episode on the oh hey there's. We had some technical difficulties, so hi kate hi how are you today? I'm I'm good. Who are we? kate and bradley or the history buffoons. Let's go with that one anyways. How are you today? I'm doing well. We had a nice like little thunderstorm come through, which is always pleasant yeah, that was uh short. It was very short, it was very short. I love thunderstorms that's my sound machine at night it is.

0:57 You've told me that we had a storm come through yesterday too, and we got a bunch of hail for what may mid-may? Mid-may, mid-may and um the ides of may wait I think that's march well, that's caesar, we're talking about us anyways. Um, my kids were super excited because sarah went out and grabbed a couple of the. I sent you the picture the big chunks of hail, literally. One was almost the size of a mandarin orange. What are they? called the cuties. Yes, it was big, it was huge. Did any of your vehicles get damaged?

1:38 Yeah, we got some dents, so it's what it is, but anyways, I found a new dent on my car this morning, another one, yep, come on, really yep. What is it? it looks like like a more broad type of like dent. Oh really, not a pinprick like my first one that I had earlier this month someone literally like opened their door into you. Yeah it this month someone literally like opened their door into you yeah, it looked like someone put like a pen on my door and then just like stamped. That's what my first one looked like. This one was a lot more broad and like this big, so it was kind of hard. You didn't really notice it, except for like the shadow effect.

2:20 I, I guess, sure. Either way. How was your week? It was really long. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh my. God it was so long. This is so long. Why was this week so long? I'm not sure. I feel like it's been a year since we've done this. I did get a new job. Congratulations. I'm so proud of you. Yes, it is at a chiropractic office. Yeah, which is exciting. I don't start until June End of June yeah. Yeah, because they're going on vacation and I'm going on vacation, so I'm transitioning out of the place that I'm currently working as an employee and moving to this chiropractic office as an employee as well.

3:05 I'm excited for you because you get to like kind of curate your own kind of system if you will. Yeah, I get to create my own menu. Yeah, yeah, which is super cool. So I'm super proud of you and excited for you, so congratulations on the new endeavor, so I'm excited for you too. Okay, yes, beer or story first. Beer. Okay, good. Because I still have to tell you something. I've been waiting on, I know. That's why I was like do you want to tell the story first? Because you've been waiting. So a little context. We have had Toppling Goliath on our episodes before. Was that, oh boy?

3:48 Two weeks ago we went to our favorite bar, the Brown Bear. Dano, one of our favorite bartenders was working. I well, normally we both always order the pseudo-sue from Topping Goliath. Hey man, I just got this new one in from them. Normally, we both always order the pseudo-sue from Topping Goliath. Hey man, I just got this new one in from them. It's called did you show the picture? The Summer Sue. It's a citrus ale and he's like and Sue, the dinosaur, is on it. Oh yeah, he's in Chicago. She is in Chicago. So he poured us each a sample of it. I'm like that is fucking good.

4:30 But we only had a sample. So I went and looked for podcast beers for today and I came across the Six Pack. So we have full-blown 12-ounce cans Okay. So this is from Toppling Goliath Brewing Company and it is brewed in beautiful Decorah. Iowa. It literally says brewed in beautiful. They would do that. I'm a Nebraska fan and we were always, you know, against Iowa. But anyways, A refreshing citrus ale brimming with sweet tropical notes that are perfect for warm afternoons. Aromas of bright citrus bring a vibrant pop to this summertime ale how was it?

5:14 It's good. It could be colder. Always. I thought I had it pretty cold. I brought it up from where I live. I had ice on it. We put it in the fridge for a bit. I thought it'd be colder. It's good though it's, because so obviously anyone who's listened to us past the first five seconds knows we try beverages. Pseudo sue is a very ipa beer. It's a pale ale. This is a citrus ale, so a little bit different. Um again, this is literally the second time we've had this in our life and we only had a sample for the first one.

5:55 It's good quite different. It's really fucking good. It's quite different from their normal what we have. Basically. So thanks, dano, for uh, yeah, thanks, dano for the sample and um, I saw this and I'm like we're gonna have that so they have toppling and toppling. Goliath has the pseudo sue, and then they have king sue, which is a hazy ipa so this is summer, sue, I think. Yes, I think King Sue is a hazy double. It is pretty strong. It is strong. I love that one so much it's so good. But anyways, oh, what's the. The ABV 5.2 is all, oh, that's not bad, I don't, I guess.

6:38 I don't remember what pseudo is, so either way, so you have a story and I've been waiting to hear it all day. It's not a long story, it's quite funny. So, as you know, I work pretty early in the morning. Yes, I get a phone call from the wife. I'm like what's going on? What time of day? Early morning, I'm assuming. But like what time? This was like at 7.10 this morning. This morning Okay, this morning Okay. Hey, I'm like what's up? Vesper wanted to call you. I'm like oh okay, oh my God.

7:21 Shut off your fucking alarm. I can't do it with my phone. It should be off. I hit fucking mute. Is it coming from the computer? Yes, technical difficulties. Okay, that's good. Hey girlfriend. Okay, here we go. Okay, yes, so Vesper wanted to talk to you. So Vesper wanted Mama to to you. So Vesper wanted mama to call me. And she goes hey, vesper wanted me to call you. I'm like, okay, which is again. She's two fucking years old. She's so cute and it's funny, cause I'll try and talk to my son on the phone, who is nearly seven, a few months more, but nearly seven Barely can get any more than a meh out of him.

8:13 Yeah, that's how I look at meh. You've heard him before, so you know Vesper gets on the phone. Hi Daddy, I can hear her like. It's like holy fuck. She's like in the room with me. It was amazing, because I'm just so used to xavier being like yeah, just kind of shy and he doesn't. I don't know how she's so comfortable on the phone, because he's not at all, which he doesn't use the phone a lot because. But neither does she, neither does she anyways. So she goes. Dad, I peed on the potty, like oh, good job, sweetheart. I peed yellow, like yeah, that's that's the right color and she's like good job, sweetheart, yeah.

9:01 And then I hear Sarah in the background tell daddy what you got for your, because she gets a potty treat. Mm-hmm, what did you get? I got a yellow M&M. Huh, all right, awesome. That's so adorable. And then she's like all right, let's let Daddy get back to work. I love you, Daddy. It was so cute, so Mer. Mer daddy, it was so cute. So it was just, it was just super cute because she she's two, but I I could understand her. She has my heart, oh she, she loves auntie kate, so I love xavier too. I. I love your kids so much but vesper is yours she's my little buddy.

9:43 She really is, and she loves you so much yeah, it's so funny because, like she always asks where's auntie kate? she always said is she taking care of her kitties? yeah, I'm taking care of my kitties so for a brief context, a lot of times kate will come down to record an episode with me at my house, and obviously we do it at her place too. Um, when she leaves, vess was like where's Kate? I'm like, well, she had to go home and take care of the kitties. So ever since I first said that, which was like a fucking year ago probably, it's been a while. Whether it was a year, it doesn't matter. And so every time she asked oh, she's at home.

10:25 She had to take care of the kitties. Yep, that's what she's doing. No matter what you're doing, you're taking care of the kitties. That's so fucking cute it's just so cute. I love it. She's such a sweetheart. And then go ahead. Oh, I was going to say, and if you're tuning in for like the first time, at the very, very end of our episodes we talk about social medias and stuff. Yep, yep, yep. The very, very, very, very, very end is Vesper. So she's the one who says stop it, stop it, stop it. And the funny thing is, so she. So I call her two. She's going to be three in August. So I call her two.

11:06 She's going to be three in August. That video was recorded not too far after she was one. Yeah, she talks a lot, a lot. It's great. I love it. I absolutely love it. Can't always understand her. We just got rid of her pacifier not that long ago. Thank God that's been helpful. But, holy fuck, she talks a lot and she's been talking for a long time because again, end of our episode. We do our little spiel and it's stop. It is vesper, so it's so cute she was talking to the dog because the dog was whining and she's like stop, stop it. So she was emulating daddy at the time. She, because I miss my dog, I do.

11:52 He passed away last September. Well, we put him down, whatever, but he was a good boy. But he also was the bait of my existence and she's like well, daddy doesn't like when he makes that noise. I'm going to tell him to stop too. And Sarah happened to get a video of it and then I ripped the audio from it. So I'm like, and Kate's like, that'd be a great ending to it, to our podcast. I'm like, let's do it. If you can hear what's going on. Right now it's thundering outside, Aw, but it was so nice.

12:33 But I understand he shut the window. From the window To the walls. We don't need all that stuff. Great story time. I love your kids. I know and they miss you and they say hello, hello, oh, okay. So I learned something. Oh, my Fucking god, that came from the doves Of hell. Holy shit, are you okay? Fucking God, that came from the doves Of hell. Holy shit, are you okay? Do you need my assistance? That's a Super Troopers reference and I say it to her all the time and she's like Do you need my?

13:18 assistance Forva Anyways. So I learned something this week. Okay, I have to share with you. Please share, anyways. So I learned something this week. Okay. I have to share with you. Please share. You like the band, at least the song from the band, toto. Africa. Yes. I love the song Africa. Do you want to know what I learned? Tell me, it makes absolute no sense. None. None. It came after that song. That song came out in 1982. Tell me, it makes absolute no sense, none, none. It came after that song. That song came out in 1982. Okay, in 1986. Do you know, one year old, potentially, potentially. I mean it could have been.

13:58 I could have been a month old. Or a year old Wait. I'm a year old. You said 86, not 85. I literally did. I don't math people Well at all. That's why I'm here. It does all of our stats. Anywho, 86. You like the France? Wow, I mixed up words together. You like the France? Wow, I mixed up words together. You like the song Africa? By Toto. By Toto yes, which came out in 1982. Two, I was three, you were a negative three, do you know?

14:38 Again, not for that song. He came in 1986. Again, not for that song, he came in 1986. Do you know who the singer's dad when? he joined the band in 1986, that singer's dad is. I only know of the song. I know nothing about the band. That's fine. John fucking Williams. Huh, Do you not know who that is? Who? Yeah he's a famous composer for a lot of movies. And name some movies. Okay, jurassic Park, star Wars, Jaws, yep Jaws, some people say yaws, uh.

15:33 Indiana jones yes, yes, oh, yeah, he's, yeah, he's very famous, multiple, multiple multiple fucking. Oh yeah, he's god, he's so god his son joined the band toto in 1986. I never fucking knew that. Interesting, but it was after Toto came out or after Africa came out. There it is. It was after Africa came out. Wait, wait, wait. I don't know, what got me into Africa, but it's chef's kiss, no, and that's fine. You can never do that again, that'd be fine. Kidding I. Chef's kiss, no, and that's fine. You can never do that again, that'd be fine. Um, kidding I. I heard that and I'm like are you fucking kidding me? As I I looked into it because I knew you liked that song and so then I looked it's like he joined the band in 1986.

16:19 Like when did africa come up? Because I know you like that song. It was after the fact. I honestly don't know who the original singer is, but I thought I have to shit. I've been saving this for days To do this on the podcast. I just happened this morning I peed yellow. He's been waiting all day to tell me he's been waiting all day to tell me. I've been waiting all day to tell Kate because it was super cute and gross, but either way, kids two years. It's the bubbles man. It's the bubbles, the bubbles, I guess.

17:01 I'm done. Anyways, I've been waiting for multiple days to tell Kate that I learned that the singer of Toto from 1986, if I remember reading right. I don't remember exactly the years. Holy fuck, I'm so sorry. Are you though? Yeah, he was from then I'm just giving you more ammo, sorry. I won't talk anymore. So do you have a question for me? No, tell me, from 1986, he was from 86 to I don't remember what year, I apologize and then there was a gap and then he rejoined the band or whatever it was. I had no idea.

17:43 That's literally John Williams fucking kid. Yeah, that's literally john williams fucking kid. Yeah, that's so cool who is uh, an amazing composer for huge, huge, fucking movies. Huge hits, huge hits, I mean star wars alone oh man, he's gonna be missed when he passes away because he's on the older side, I think he's early 90s, even if I'm not mistaken. I could be wrong, but he's so amazing. He's early 90s even. If I'm not mistaken, he's so great. He's so amazing, he's so talented. I like Hans Zimmerman too. I love me some Hans Zimmerman, he's fucking great. And then there's one other composer that's really great in movies, and I'm drawing a blank, I'm drawing a blank, I'm drawing a blank, um, unfortunately, but there.

18:26 It's funny because I mentioned a previous co-worker to you earlier and she's a big fan of the composer I'm trying to think of oh no oh my god, what the fuck is his name? Now, it's irritating me. I can't think of it. I'd look at my phone, but it's recording me. Um, it's okay, oh damn it, I can't think of it. I'd look at my phone, but it's recording me, it's okay, ah, damn it, I can't think of it, it doesn't matter Either way. There's a few composers. I mean there's a lot of good composers, but there's a couple that just stand out, and to me it's John Williams, because I grew up on Star Wars. Jurassic Park. So good, so so amazing.

19:10 Who did? was it Hans Zimmer that did Pirates of the Caribbean. Might have been Zimmerman. Might have been Hans Zimmerman. That might have been? Did he also do Van Helsing? I don't know where my telepahone is, but Telepahone it doesn't matter, we are hey, do you have a question for me? We, it doesn't matter. Do you have a question for me? We're on a fucking tangent. No, because this is a long build up, so we're just going to go into the story. I'm sorry. I really wanted to share those two things with you today. I love the story, so I'm just going to avoid the question and we'll just get right into it let's do it let's do it, cheers, cheers to summer, sue. Thanks Dano. Right into it, let's do it. Let's do it, let's do it. Cheers, cheers to Summer, sue. Thanks Dano. I should do a story on Sue, that'd be, great, let's go down to the.

19:55 Field Museum in Chicago. I think it's the Field Museum, that's where it is. They have Sue the dinosaur. If you have a pseudo-Sue it says in association with or whatever it says, field Museum on the can for a pseudo-Sue. This one does too. Oh, there it is Field Museum. Look at that. I didn't turn the can. Sorry, actually Sue's origin story, not origin story. Sue's discovery story is actually pretty significant. Yeah, it's huge.

20:36 Yeah, there's a documentary, I believe, on Netflix at one point. I don't know if it's still there. Okay. Dinosaur 21 or Dinosaur, and then a number I don't know if it's still there Dinosaur 21 or Dinosaur, and then a number I don't recall. This is just off my memory, so it's all wrong. Potentially. No. Anyway, not potentially. It's a great documentary if you can find it. Yeah, dinosaur and then a number, dinosaur number. I think it's called Dinosaur Number Hashtag. We used to call that a pound sign. We sure did. Fuck me up. We sure did. Oh, remember those analog phones. Anyway, okay, okay, I'm gonna try. Do you remember rotary phones?

21:17 Yes, I loved going to my grandma's apartment and she had a rotary phone. I'm like I gotta dial my mom Anyway going to my grandma's apartment and she had a rotary phone. I'm like I got to dial my mom Anyway. So you don't have a question for me. No, let's get into it 1770. That's a long time ago 1770. I was four, 14 year old. Oh shit, marie Antoinette. Oh, let him eat cake Of Austria. Yeah, shows up at Versailles. Sure fucking does. To marry the future. Louis XVI Fucking ain't right. She was bright-eyed, bushy-tailed Absolutely, you've heard that before right.

22:03 Is that an idiom? Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed? Absolutely, you've heard she was. Is that an idiom? Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed? Yeah, yeah, you should remember that I won't it's funny, the last episode you like. Read all these down, I'm like, yep, haven't done it yet maybe somebody out there will email us be like these are the three that you mentioned okay, I think we had more than three. Working on it. She was young, but she was super enthusiastic. She was very bright, she liked cake. I'll get to that. Okay, good, I will get to that. I will leave it be for now, then. And the French public, public, public.

22:44 I've already had a couple to drink today. I had a two hour nap. I wasn't there for it, but apparently Nathan said I was snoring. I don't know. You were. I came over to record Kate's napping, so that was fun. I'm just chatting with Nathan. What's up, dude? We're chatting about whatever. Is that snoring? Is Kate sleeping, I think so. I thought I heard snoring. Yeah, you probably did. I love naps okay naps are your second favorite thing to sleeping naps are better than sleeping let's move on the french public loved her yes, they did yes very much, so yes, during a 1773 visit to paris.

23:37 So versailles is about 20 miles away from paris. Oh it's not that far. No, okay, I guess I never realized I was that close. Same Until this research. Well, good for you. During a visit to Paris, she gushed to her mother through letters. She wrote a lot of letters to her mother. Okay, she said, quote the poor people, despite their taxes. So poor were transported with joy, despite their taxes, were transported with joy at seeing us. Aka, I'm so happy you saw me. That's how I took that. I'm so happy you got to see me. You're better for seeing me. Yeah, that's how I Wow, is that really how she thought?

24:24 No, that's just how I interpreted that. The poor people, despite their taxes, were transported with joy at seeing us. Were they transported or transfixed? Transported, I like transfixed. Sure, yeah, we're going to edit that in Trans. I'm sorry. Okay, but the vibe shifted fairly quickly. Yeah, that's the thing with Marie. Antoinette. Antoinette, that's a meat cake, so court life was like high school oh so shitty. It was full of fucking gossip. Yeah, because that's like I said shitty. And powdered wigs, just like my high school. That was my high school too. Oh my God, there was like powdered wigs, just like my high school.

25:05 That was my high school too. Oh my god, there was like powdered wigs everywhere. Left and right, everywhere, and there was like zero privacy. Marie Antoinette had like zero privacy for anything. I just thought you meant they didn't have doors in your bathroom. Every morning, every morning she didn't have privacy. She had to get dressed in front of a crowd. How many people? She said, quote I put on my rouge, which is blush. I put on my rouge, yes, and I washed my hands in front of the whole world End quote, but that's not accurate. But you know her world. One time she stood half naked and shivering while one of her handmaids actually a couple handmaids debated who had the right to hand her a sleeve did you get this from her handmaid's tale?

25:58 no all right, sorry, I couldn't resist Sorry. Another summer, sue. But she and she wasn't even queen yet and they were all like already arguing like, oh my God, who can like, actually like, give her a sleeve. How long was she in courtship or whatever you want to call it with Louis? Was it a while, or was it pretty brief? It was brief. Okay, it was very brief. I guess I never really knew, so I was just curious if that came across any of your stuff. It was pretty brief. Okay, yes, fair enough. So she missed Vienna, which is where she lived. I miss Vienna too.

26:38 She had a pug Really Named Mops Mops. That's so cute. I know I want a pug, babe. I really don't. And the court that she was like walking into was really hostile. Why. Well, so wait. She was from where? Austria, vienna, austria, okay, and she married into the French. The French, yes, yeah. Well, that tracks, yeah, into the French. The French, yes, yeah. Well that tracks. I mean because, like alliances and shit, keep doing that People don't know. I'm sorry, I am in a goofy fucking mood, so I am probably going to say dumb shit.

27:23 Well, your daughter's pee was yellow, so what? I'm just your daughter's pee was yellow, so what? I'm just kidding, Okay so. Her pee was yellow. Daddy, I peed in the potty, it was yellow. So okay. Great sweetie Louis XV's mistress was named Madame du Barry. Madame du Barry. And she had the king's ear on everything. Not even the wife did, but the mistresses always had the king's ear Because they're betting the king right, they're in a vulnerable position and they are able to persuade the king on lots of stuff. Well, that's why, because the king was probably betting them and not the queen.

28:04 And Madame du Barry was not exactly warm to Marie Antoinette. I've seen man in an Iron Mask. What's that about? I've seen it a long time ago. Do you remember who's in it? Leonardo DiCaprio. Leonardo DiCaprio. Sorry, am I drooling? Could you get a fucking towel shit. I'm gonna have to clean her microphones after this one. Anyways, continue, okay I was joking around, but clearly she was not she would call motor antoinette the austrian, like it was some kind of slur. Isn't it funny that it's like thanks for noticing my heritage, but you're using it as a slur?

28:49 Yes, she was Fuck you, they did not get along Okay so you don't say Marie Antoinette's mother Empress Maria Teresa. Teresa Mm-hmm. Okay. What was she empress of, she was a Habsburg. Was she really? She was no shit. Yes, Okay, she had very Catholic views and she raised Marie to see royal mistresses like Madame du Barry as immoral parasites. Well, yeah, because A bug to be squished, if you will. She was basically having her look out for herself because these people are going to pop up, because that was the lifestyle for them, and she's like no, no, no, you're the queen, or whatever.

29:42 At that point, these are, like you said, parasites. Yes, and Marie refused to speak to her, to her mom, no, to Madame du Barry the mistress, oh the mistress. Yes, she refused to speak to her. Yes, yes, I'm sorry the court was buzzing. Du Barry was furious. Louis XV was an amuse. Blah, blah, blah. How'd that go? Duberry was furious. Louis the 15th was an amused. I'm using that as a short, that too, but to avoid an incident in public.

30:23 Marie antoinette finally went up to Madame du Barry and said painfully awkwardly Let me kick. There are a lot of people at Versailles today. And that comes straight down, AKA Nice weather we're having right. That's what that felt like. Nice weather we're having. That was the olive branch. There's a lot of people at Versailles. That was the olive branch. There's a lot of people at Versailles today and that worked. It was an olive branch, that's all that matters. I fucking hate olives yeah. And their branches. But hovering over Maria and Louis XV, the King, and Madame de Berry, and blah, blah, blah, blah, empress Maria Theresa, okay, she is the only female ruler of the Habsburg Dominions.

31:16 Marie, yes, okay, no, no, no, no, no. Her mother, oh, her mother, her mother, okay, maria Theresa, there's a lot of Marias, so many. Yeah, her mother, maria Teresa, there's a lot of Marias. So many? Yeah, maria Teresa is the female ruler of the Habsburg Dominions. She ruled for over 20 years. Holy shit, really. Yes. Wow. She was mom to 15 or 16, depending on the resources Can you say it that way again. She was mom to 15 or 16 children. 15 or 16, depending on the resources. Can you say it that way? Again, she? Was mom to 15 or 16 children, 15 or 16. There it is, so some research. I read Holy shit, that's a lot of fucking kids.

31:58 Some research I read said that Marie Antoinette was the last child. Oh really, so number 16. Would be Marie. Oh, really, so number 16. Would be. Marie, but they also called her number 15. How come Did you see? anything, because then they've also called her the second to last child. Which would make sense if she was 15. Yeah, so she's either 15 or 16. Unclear, unclear. Unclear okay, unclear, and I didn't care enough to like deep dive. I can tell by your body language. Yeah, okay, but Anne she was. And Mother Teresa, mother Teresa, maria Teresa, the Empress of the Habsburg.

32:40 She was also a big believer in tough love. Tough love, yes, Okay. She once described Marie Antoinette as A super douche. Quote the most beautiful and the least clever of my children, Wow. What a douchey mom. Seriously yes, and actually it's true, mom, seriously yes, and actually it's true, marie Antoinette was not a very bright. She's bright, but she wasn't the smartest child. But she did really really well in the arts. She was a great singer, she played the harp, she danced.

33:21 But as far as history, mathematics, arithmetic, whatever you want to call, it Okay. so you know, I'm very good at math. I know I'm really bad at it. I'm so glad you're better. Kind of just brought me down a peg by saying how bad you are, because maybe I'm not that good. You know, I'm very good at math. Yeah, I play the drums which you use, both sides of the brain. I think a yeah, I play the drums which you use both sides of the brain. Thank God I got those back finally, but it's when am I going here? It's funny because like for her to say that about her daughter, it's like she's not very talented.

34:01 She's beautiful but not smart. Right and I'm not smart's beautiful, but not smart. Right, and I'm not smart or beautiful, but it's like I can do these things. It's like it'd be shooting me down for saying you can't do those. I'm like, oh yeah, I can. It's just funny that like obviously different times, because what year are we talking about again? 1770-ish Give or take right. Yeah, it's like my daughter's stupid. Yeah, that's basically what she said. Basically, it's like why in God's name would you say that about your fucking daughter?

34:43 It doesn't matter. If you think it, look at the time frame. Why would you say that about your fucking daughter? It doesn't matter if you think it. Look at the time frame. Why would you say? that you really don't have to say that out loud, no, just keep it to yourself, just literally like special. You know what I mean. So Maria Teresa the mother she micromanaged Marie Antoinette by mail, by mail. Oh yeah, lots of letters. So where did Teresa live? She lived in Austria. And Antoinette was in France at this time. Okay, I gotcha. So she said by mail be dignified, be serious, be pregnant. So she was After.

35:27 After Louis and Marie Louis Got married in France, France, they didn't consummate their marriage for seven. Minutes Years, years. Seven years. They didn't touch each other for seven years. Did they not find each other? attractive. You know why he was literally 15 when she was 14. Oh, I did not know they were that young. They were young.

36:09 Okay, yeah, that makes more sense. So louis was also really shy, he was awkward, and so was this more of an arranged marriage. It was an arranged marriage for the habsburgs oh, I never knew that well that. So they didn't really well, lack of a better term. Fuck, until they were. He was what 22 and she was 21? 22 and she was 21. Yeah, oh, wow. I never knew that. He also potentially had a medical issue which made sex really uncomfortable for him. And what was that? I was trying to formulate it in my brain, but then I'm like I'm just going to ask I don't think I wrote it down, but there is a word for it.

36:49 But it's basically meaning that when he has sex, it's actually pretty painful, really. Yeah, phyllism or something. P-h-i-l-s-m. Phyllism, something like that. I believe in you, but Maria described him as kind. Sure. But clumsy Okay, and their chemistry was a lot more friendly than steamy. So they were more or less it was an arranged marriage more or less friends than partners. Yeah, like he fell asleep on their wedding night, Like she was anticipating being bedded, essentially Right, and she was like so how are you?

37:36 And he was like I mean never mind, but eventually Maria's brother, older brother, they're 16 children, potentially 15 or 16 children, Maria's brother. So many fucking children, oh my God, so many fucking children, holy shit. Brother, emperor Joseph II. What was he? The emperor of the Habsburgs. Is that a location now Instead of a person? I? didn't look into it. I didn't look into it. I love the fact.

38:16 I think he's emperor of. Rome. Can you hold on a second? I love the fact that in the majority of our episodes I ask you a question and you're like what the fuck, brad? That was a. What the fuck Brad Lee? Like, don't ask me that question, please don't. You fucking asked me that question. I'm talking about Marie Antoinette, not Joseph II, but Cake. He had to come to Versailles. Yeah he did Wait what he had to come to Versailles and lecture to Louis and Marie like the world's most awkward, like sex ed teacher.

39:03 And who did this again? Her? brother. Her brother came to Versailles and was like okay, guys, here's what's up, that's like if my brother Corey were like hey man, gotta talk to you about some sex. Yeah like super fucking awkward. How about you don't do that? Joseph joked that their marriage was like two polite porcupines. Ha, ha, ha, ha ha ha. Hmm, dude was like two polite porcupines. That is fucking fantastic. Sorry, I don't know why I find that so funny, but that is fucking amazing. Two polite porcupines. Oh my God, that's fantastic. Thank you for that one, Jesus Christ.

39:44 Okay, so after seven years. I'm so talking After seven years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and potentially a medical intervention on Louie's part. Do tell it might have. This is like really specific, but it might have been a foreskin issue tell me about it. I really don't. But um so, so, seven years and perhaps a medical intervention, yeah, right, right, they finally consummated their relationship. Well, fork and twine. Yeah, they had cake then too, right but they, they eventually had four kids.

40:25 Oh, did right, but they eventually had four kids. Oh, did they really? Yeah, they really did 17th, 18th, 19th, 20th, I don't know. But Louis. To his credit, he never, ever took a mistress and he genuinely adored Marie Antoinette. Not according to Iron man and Iron Mask, but all right, but the court never stopped gossiping because, although seven years of not gossiping, of course there was gossip surrounded by tea. Kate likes tea, so back then though, the beverage, the beverage. I mean, I like gossip too, but whatever.

41:08 I thought I was pretty clear on what I said, but I appreciate you clearing that up. But back then, though, that's what you had. Oh yeah, that was like your television. It's like you know what. I can't scroll on YouTube. No, that's your television. I can't watch Netflix. The court is television. Yeah, I mean no, that's your television. I can't watch netflix television. Yeah, I mean, literally that's what it was. So it's like that was their entertainment social fucking media, which is the bane of our existence, uh, back then. So it's like they're like oh, he didn't better yet two years later, he didn't better yet. Let's keep talking some shit. So, yeah, yeah, that's going to happen. And you know how that rumor got spread Was because Not by her legs.

41:50 Because her bed never had quote unquote blood in it. Do we know for a fact she was a virgin going into this. Yeah, okay, yeah. So, like every time, the bed maids would, yes, would come in and change the sheets, etc. They would. They would notice that like nothing ever happened, that was a huge way that they knew, because typically, when royalty or whatever, or even a royal, married whoever, they would consummate their marriage and there would be blood because they were supposed to be a virgin and that was a big thing back then. Obviously times have changed.

42:31 But yeah, no, that makes sense, because if there was no blood, it's like didn't happen clearly they didn't fuck yet. Yeah, and they would change their bedding. Yeah, clearly didn't fuck, yet they changed their bedding. Yeah, clearly they didn't fuck yet they changed their bedding. So, yeah, same thing. Yeah, I get that Because it was just sign of the times. Yeah, yeah. So Louis XV died in 1774. Okay, and Marie became queen at 19. 19 years old. So did she marry the 16th? Then she did, which was his brother. Grandson, louis XV's grandson. I actually meant to look up what happened to Louis XVI's father, but I forgot.

43:14 But the grandfather is Louis. XV, the grandson is Louis XVI. Can you do me a favor? Was that not part of your research? Can you say it out loud? Say it better. It wasn't part of my research. Can you say it out loud? Say it better it wasn't part of my research. Thank you, Thank you, I actually so. You meant it to me, but it wasn't. My friend Sam. Yeah, if I. So we talk over Messenger, yeah, but if I text her, yeah. That's just for me to to remind myself of something you do that with me, yeah, yeah, yeah, so, and, but I didn't want to send it to you because I didn't want to give it away, which? I don't want either. Yes, so I texted her louis father, but did I look into it?

44:02 no, so you did it. But then you're like this is where this dies. It dies on this hill. I don't care. Fuck. Brad's going to ask me. So Nathan and I also talk over Messenger, but then he'll text me like random measurements. I'm like what the fuck is he doing? Just to ruin it. He has literally told me, and I've been in his presence when he's done it. You guys mainly talk over messenger when he's like this is nine and three quarters text, kate, this is how I remember, because we I'm like, yeah, I got it. It's pretty funny because, but he's literally shown me that. So and for you and I. We always text but we over messenger messenger will send Idioms to remember or random other shit.

44:47 So it's funny how we each all have our thing To try and remember shit. My cheeks hurt from smiling, do you? want to know the funny thing, what we always forget, yeah like in this case, especially Kate. No, no, no, don't gloss over this, especially Kateis number. Whatever number 15. He died in 1774. Maria became miss you 15. Maria became queen at 19 years old. Okay, is this one. She ate cake I'm kidding, keep going madame du barry, the mistress of Louis XV. She was banished. Well, are you surprised, though?

45:28 It's like you've been banging my husband? Get the fuck out of here. I'm queen now, motherfucker. But queens really didn't have any real power. Not back then. No. Which is funny, because even in the 1700s, when we'll air, quote this, more progressive, still nothing. I mean, it was all about the king still. Yes, and the heirs? They just got lucky. Smile and produce heirs. That is a fucking short in the making. Basically, for them it was a benefit of where they were, who they were with.

46:17 I should say not where they were, they had no fucking power, but yet they had power. But as soon as Louis was gone, oh fuck, what do I? do the mistress, you're talking about. Even Marie. Oh yeah, she had no power. She had power, but she had literally no power, not unless the king like listened to her Correct. Yeah, so it's wild that, like back then, it was so segregated in terms of. I'm sorry what. Segregated. Segregated. He's not segregated, segregated. You always make fun of me in my pronunciations.

47:02 I'm allowed. I am going to repeat that in the recording. I said allowed. I am going to repeat that in the recording. I said segregated, segregated, sorry, okay, okay. So, marie, huh, what, yep, what, exactly what? What'd you do? What'd what? What'd you do? What'd you? do. What'd you do? I said look at that shirt. What Exactly? What Kate is saying is irrelevant. Rude, do you want me to continue? Yes, yes, because I would like to learn more about Marie fucking her grandson, or whatever.

47:48 That's not. Whatever, I was joking, but anyway I'm glad I got you there. Okay, so Marie Antoinette was all about fashion. Yeah, she wore like elaborate gowns and whatever. So when she was in Austria. she was very minimalistic, literally, when she crossed the river into France they stripped her All of a sudden. It's like poof. Yeah, they literally stripped her, put her in French garb and then brought her to Louis for the first time. Oh really, like they immediate. Not the 15th, the future, louis Xth. The future Louis XVI, her future husband.

48:29 Which was her second husband after 15. No, she didn't. Marie Antoinette only had one husband. His name was Louis XVI. Louis XV was his grandfather. Louis XV had a mistress named Madame du Barry and he died. And now Louis the 16th, the kid. I was just making sure you were there. I like fucking with Kate. If you never understood our podcast, I like to make sure she understands what she's talking about. With the help of fashion consultant, sewer designer what have you?

49:14 Oh, I thought you meant the name was like sewer, but okay. Rose Bertin. Rose what. Rose Bertin. Bertin. She was the fashion person for Marie Antoinette. Really, she had a name in her own right because for Marie Antoinette Really she had a name in her own right because of Marie Luton. Her name was Rose Bertin. yeah, Literally a name in her own right and Leonard. What's Leonard Leonard? Is it kind of like a lanyard? He is the Michelangelo of wigs Powdered Mm-hmm. How much fucking baby powder do you need? I'm just kidding. Between Rose Burton, the fashion consultant, and Leonardo, the Michelangelo of wigs, she turned herself into like a fucking walking Pinterest board.

49:57 Hold on besides you, who called him the Michelangelo of wigs? Was that all you? Yeah, yeah, I just. I had to know. Yeah, it was me. Oh my god, michelangelo, okay, for weeks. So Marie Antoinette had hair does up to three feet tall. That sounds more like a hair don't.

50:41 Am I wrong? Okay, we need to move on. Am I wrong At one point? Seriously no, we need to take a. Am I wrong? Seriously no, we need to take a breather here and be like no. At one point she literally had a ship on her hair. Do you know who played her in a movie? Yes, I do. Okay, it's a movie called Marie Antoinette, and it's from Kirsten Dunst, it's not from she played her, yeah Anyway. So why was that so like? Why am I talking about this? Because I haven't seen it yet so I don't know how like real it is. I haven't seen it either. That wasn't my question, but thank you for that delicious entertainment.

51:24 Fashion was Marie Antoinette's escape. Yes, she absolutely adored that. Yes. So it was her way to express her identity. Yes, yep, yep, because literally she couldn't do anything else. Well, she wasn't very talented. But it also backfired. Oh dear, how so. So people were obsessed with how much she spent. She was a bit of a spender. She didn't exactly wear the same dress twice. Oh really, I mean, even I do, and I don't wear dresses. so but there are plenty of royals who spent like this, but Maria was a foreigner, gasp.

52:08 Austrian Born. Yes, so she got the blame. Isn't that funny Because, like there's been plenty of royalty. I mean they marry different legions, locales, other words that I can't come up with because I've had beers. Can you stop making that face? They did that on purpose, but yet you're a foreigner. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, they got together for alliances and they're still like, no, you're a foreigner. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, they got together for alliances and they're still like, no, you're a foreigner.

52:49 Yeah to strengthen their but yeah, their ties, basically yeah, yeah but yet, oh my god, I can't believe she did that. She's a foreigner. It's like you did this all the time. It's better than fucking your, your brother, because they do too. I'm not saying Marie did, but I'm just saying that's happened. All of Game of Thrones. So on the grounds of Versailles. Back to Versailles. I love Versailles. They built a little tiny not really tiny a very large playhouse, if you will, for her, like a dollhouse, yeah, someplace where she could go and actually just be herself out of the public eye.

53:34 Was she feeble-minded? It was a house on Versailles, but it was a place that she could just go to. She could wear muslin dresses and not be ousted, ousted, yeah. Was she feeble-minded? No, okay, no, but she wasn't like the super smartest. but that's fine. Neither am I Okay, but why does what you just said make it seem like she Short bus, all that I mean? I don't understand. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Short bus. All that I mean, I don't understand. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So it would be like me in my house having an escape room where my but you do have one, wait what when my craft area is.

54:20 Okay, that would be my escape. Sure, she had a separate house. So this was basically just her like I want to do this yes, oh, she yeah this was a place that she could go. I'm sorry and she could invite the people that was closest to her, that she trusted, and she could just be herself, okay, and she would wear I'm sorry, just sorry to interrupt. Yeah, I'm not saying you explained it wrong. I interpreted it wrong. It's just like what is happening here. That's on me. That's right, I apologize. But she wore a lot of muslin dresses out there.

55:00 Can you explain what muslin is? It's a very like linen type fabric that's what I thought it wasn't like satin or silk. That is really queenly. Yeah, it was very homely almost kind of fabric peasant. Yes, yes, yes exactly. It was so comfortable, though, well and that was the place where she could wear those things and not be like okay in the public eye no, that makes sense, um sure. So, but some of the public who knew about this, yes, thought that she was mocking the poor people by wearing them. Oh, so they took it the wrong way. That's unfortunate. And that was really just her, like being herself. That was her being comfortable.

55:40 Yeah, yeah Like you like to wear PJs all the time because you sleep all the time. Yeah. I mean, I'm not wrong. No. There it is. That was fucking amazing. That's going in the burp track. So she had a painting made, a painting commissioned, and it was of her in a muslin dress. Oh, and the public lost their minds. Like they thought it was so beautiful. No, they thought it was so insulting because they thought that she was mocking them. Isn't that funny? Because, like they didn't know better, they assumed, but it wasn't that was her comfort spot.

56:28 Does this painting still exist? Not, to your knowledge. Copies yes, Original, I don't know. That's fine. We'll post a photo. If we can find that, let's put that in the episode. People lost their mind. They say she's in her underwear, blah, blah, blah, blah. So she pulled the painting and recommissioned a new painting of her in like fucking france guards, or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah um, but she was trying to look relatable, but she looked tone deaf, essentially I hate being tone deaf but okay. So above all these extravagance, extravagance can you say the first one again, above all this extravagance France yes not doing so well, not so much well, this is cause like okay, I'll just go on before I say anything.

57:29 There was an economic meltdown in France. Yeah, this is the revolution. France was broke Yep. They helped the American colonies win their revolution. Correct. Thanks, ben Franklin, the national debt he went over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, correct, thanks Ben Franklin. The national debt he went over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, before lightning and shit yeah. Phil Sweetly went over there too when she met Ben Franklin. Remember, phil Sweetly, that episode. The poet. Can you not ever do that again? Yes, 1788. I'd like to say you didn't whistle, you didn't. That's not a whistle.

58:11 Anyways, that's a callback to a previous episode. Anyways, continue. France was broke because of the American Revolution. Thank you, France. And the national debt exploded and in 1788, over half of France's income was going to pay interest. Yes. Okay. Welcome to a la American life. Food prices skyrocketed and in 1788 and 89, a loaf of bread. I'm sorry. Are you talking about today or back then? Because, holy fuck, a loaf of bread costs up to 90% of a worker's daily wages. Holy shit Really.

58:52 Let them eat cake. I mean, I want cake. Okay, the quote from Marie Antoinette Let them eat cake, isn't that? from when she was beheaded? No, no, it was all false, really false, really. That saying let them eat cake yeah, was written in documents over a decade before she was even queen. Seriously, seriously, it was all false. She never said let them eat cake I. I feel betrayed by this world. Yep, because they sold me as that. She always said that and I've I. I hate this world more, even now than I did five minutes ago.

59:35 Yeah, isn't that crazy. This world sucks. I wanted to eat cake, all because of marie, and now I can't because the world lied to me so the the queen, fuck. She's got feathers, she's got diamonds, she's got private chateaus to do her play cosplay, or whatever Cosplay they called her, madam Deficit. Because she caused so much deficit. Because she spent so much money. They called her Madam Deficit man. I stand by what I said, but yeah, okay so in this in the 1780s there was like a mini ice age.

1:00:16 There was a lot of hailstorms, a lot of droughts, that like hailstorm hurt a lot of crops. In88, there was a wheat harvest that was one of the worst harvests in decades and it caused a massive famine. And then the riots over bread Peasants were furious because the courts were having parties and the public were starving. Yeah, I mean that's starting. Yeah, yeah, I mean that's very yeah. Yeah, yep, yep, yep. So there's also unfair taxes in a rigged system. Okay, oh, yeah. We have three estates in France.

1:00:58 Okay, the first estate is the clergy. Yes, always number one back in those times. Yes, the second estate was the nobility. Yes, always number one back in those times. Yes, the second estate was the nobility Yep, okay, both paid little or no taxes. Typically yes. The third estate was everybody else. So you've got the peasants and the merchants and the artisans, and they paid for everything. People wanted reform, but the nobles and the monarchy dragged their heels. Okay, louis XVI was indecisive, he was bookish, he was terrible at public relations, he was shy, he didn't even bet his fucking wife.

1:01:40 Marie Antoinette's influence was exaggerated. Marie Antoinette's influence was exaggerated, but the rumor mill painted her as a scheming foreigner from Austria who wore diamonds while France burned. Now, who does that sound? like Wore diamonds while France burned. I know you've got it in that brain. Oh my God, Nero, yeah, yes, yes Go, emperor Nero, yes, tell me more, tell me more. Well, he watched his-. Rome burn. City burn while he played his lyre. Lyre.

1:02:21 Or lyre. Lyre yeah, yeah, so I heard that's false. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, Now that we've done that episode. I've heard that was actually. But it kind of like huh. That reminds me of Emperor Nero, when they said that he played the liar while Rome burned. But he also was the architect of that where she was not. No. So either way. So again around the time of Let them Eat Cake, she never fucking said those words. We don't know where it came from, it just it came from me. I really want cake tonight, okay, or molasses cookies, ooh, anyways. Molasses cookies Frosting on top. I have to pee.

1:03:04 All right, let's take a break and go and we're back. Thank, you for letting me pee okay, so yes, 1775, there's a grain shortage a grain shortage. Yes, marie antoinette expressed concern for the poor by writing to her mother quote it is quite certain that in seeing the people who treat us so well, despite their own misfortune, we are more obliged than ever to work. End quote. She's a compassionate woman. I mean, it sounds that way, yeah, and she was liked at a point oh for sure.

1:03:44 Yeah, but she was really drowned out by the sensational rumors spreading through cafes and marketplaces about her and her husband and then her extravagant spending, and there was even like pornographic cartoons coming out and pamphlets over her. Yeah, Wow. And they even portrayed her as a saying a word. It's a pun, meaning the Austrian woman, but also bitch at the same time. Oh, and it's called Never knew that La. Trichotchen, la Trichon, really La Trichon. Yes, I never knew that. The Austrian bitch essentially the Austrian bitch. Yeah, wow, yeah, okay, I never heard that before.

1:04:26 It was basically a woman who seduced and sent France into ruin. See, that's really harsh because she didn't do that. They blamed her, but it wasn't just on her. She was absolutely a scapegoat. I got some more beers after I peed. Yeah, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers to you. Yes, cheers. Okay yeah, so there were also philosophers at this time. You will probably recognize their names. I, okay, yeah, so there were also philosophers at this time. You will probably recognize their names. I'm sure. Voltaire and Rousseau. Yeah, there were others, but these are the prominent ones you've heard of. Those are the main ones.

1:05:07 They were writing that the monarchy excuse me, they wrote about the monarchy. They wrote about religion, they wrote about inequality into like fucking bestsellers at the time. Bestsellers Wow. They had these new ideas about equality, democracy, the rights of man. Yeah, and the right to burp. Yes. But people started asking why do we have kings again? That was one of the biggest things about the French Revolution, right? It was like we need to stop this and they're like no Fuck this guy and like Louis XVI, he was just so demure, Just very simple.

1:05:54 Let's go with that word. Your word was better than mine. In 1789, louis XVI called the Estates General for the first time in 175 years to deal with this crisis. Okay, he opened a Pandora's box, so that's an idiom. I know it's on the list. France was broke. You have it on the list. Yeah, great. Wonderful Look at me go. France was broke. Yes. Like maxed out credit cards broke.

1:06:35 Is this when D'Artagnan comes in? Who D'Artagnan? Come on, you don't know who D'Artagnan is. I've never heard of that. Three Musketeers. Now I've seen it. You've seen man in the Iron Mask? Like when it first came out in like what 1992? Or 8th, but whatever, is that my fault? You literally don't know who D'Artagnan is, mm-mm. Moving on. What are we even doing here? Louis XVI tried cutting spending. Yes, he fired finance ministers who said things like maybe we should tax like the nobles he's like fuck that and louis the 16th was like nah, how about you're fired?

1:07:22 So, in desperation, he called the estates general a meeting of representatives from three estates of french society okay, like prominent estates basically. So the first estate was the clergy, which was less than 1% of the population, with tax exemptions. The second estate was the nobility, which is about 1.5% of the public, which is also very anti-tax Of course. Third, they wanted to make money without spending money, basically. Third estate is literally everybody else. Correct. Okay, they are 98% of France.

1:08:04 Yeah, here's the kicker. Three estates, oh dear. Each estate got one vote. Oh, come on, really, that's how that works. What does that mean? Not good. It means the third estate, the public, the peasants, were constantly outvoted, of course. Two to one, yeah, every time. Because the other two are always going to vote in favor of the king. Vote in favor of the king Because in favor of the king, no matter what the peasants, whatever you want to call them, I don't like that. We're going to vote the other way, like it doesn't matter.

1:08:45 It doesn't matter Because the other two are always going to vote in favor of the king. I mean the third estate. They played nice, they showed up. They made their speeches, but they were only one vote, despite being 98% of the population. Meanwhile, the rich and the religious kept voting as a block to protect their tax-free lives. That is so sad. So the third estate was like. Not so much. We're done, we're good, we're fucking done. We need a change. Fuck your cake. On June 17th 1789, they declared themselves the National Assembly.

1:09:28 Oh really, okay, Meaning we represent France. Not the crown, not the nobles, not father fucking whomever in the front row. We are France. Don't you kind of wish they wouldn't? We represent the Lollipop. Guild, the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild. Okay, so literally, this statement we are the National Assembly is a direct political challenge to King Louis XVI's authority. Right, okay, respect my fucking authority.

1:10:09 Even a few members of the first and second estates even defected and joined the National Assembly. Really, yes, Holy shit. That had to be a loss for him. On June 20th, the National Assembly showed up in a meeting hall, okay, and it happened to be at Versailles. There's just a big meeting hall at Versailles and that's where they showed up. Yeah, the doors were locked. Oh dear. Louis XVI, in a move that screamed quote I am not handling this well tried to stop them by shutting the building down for repairs. Yeah, that's not going to bode well.

1:10:51 So you know what the National Assembly did. They walked down the street. They found a tennis court. And played tennis. No, that's where they had their meeting. They called it the tennis court oath. The tennis court, can you say it without laughing? The tennis court oath they swore not to disband until they had written a new constitution for France. Okay, you can lock the doors, but you can't stop this revolution. It was like one of the first moments of this French Revolution, right, okay? It was more or less a catalyst for what was to come, kind of thing.

1:11:35 King Louis lost control. Lost his shit. People smelled weakness and when rulers look weak in a breadless country, guillotines. Guillotines, guillotines. So how do you properly say it? Is it guillotine? Because I've heard both. I've heard both. I don't know if it's guillotine or guillotine. Yeah, I've heard both Maybe it's between American and French. French French, I feel like that's. Do you want some French for your French? French. That was fucking amazing.

1:12:15 I'm going to write that down. I'm going to try and move along from that French French, so I can't even focus anymore. Shall, we move on. I want to say what I was going to say, but I'm at a loss for French. Yeah, move along. If I remember, all fine, okay so, the people of France, french, they stormed the Bastille. Yes, do you know of this?

1:12:55 I do. Oh, wonderful. So it happened on July 14th 1789. Yes. The Bastille was a medieval fortress in Paris, correct, mostly used for storing weapons, and at that time, seven prisoners. Yes, who were the seven prisoners? I don't know, but one of them thought he was Julius Caesar. Wait what? Yeah, he thought it was Julius Caesar. What kind of fucking LSD do you think yeah? But the real reason that it was stormed was it was a symbol. Yes, Bradley.

1:13:36 No, you're just Tom. No, you're just Tom. No, you're not Julie, you're just Tom. Wait what? Okay, so they stormed the Bastille because, one, it was a symbol, but two, they had gunpowder. Oh dear, I feel like the gunpowder plot is coming out. I wasn't going to say it, but I'm glad you did 900 Parisians surrounded the Bastille. Those are people from Paris. Scared that the king would crack down on the National Assembly. Okay, so, after hours of tension outside the Bastille, the situation popped off like an overcooked souffle. Suddenly, Okay, okay.

1:14:17 Okay, these, let me tell you, these Parisians are like husbands, laborers, artisans, merchants, even a few soldiers who have gone rogue. Are they a fortune? They demanded the governor Like the governor? Yeah, are they a fortune? They demanded the governor Bernard. René de. Lune hand over the gunpowder stored inside the Bastille. Gotcha, he stalled, negotiated, lied a little bit. People are not impressed. Someone dragged him out of the Bastille, someone fired a shot.

1:15:03 To this day no one knows who. But once that happened, the game is on the attackers. So shit hit the fan. Basically, that's another idiom. Shit hit the fan basically, that's another idiom. Shit hit the fan. The. These merchants had cannons which they had stolen earlier in the morning. After a few hours of shooting and chaos and losing around a hundred revolutionaries, the defenders mostly retired soldiers and a few Swiss guards were completely overwhelmed and Governor de Lugnet realized he was out of options and surrendered.

1:15:45 I mean, he probably thought we're good, Until if he was a fan. He was like I think I'm over my head here. DeLunier thought that he would be arrested, maybe exiled but no, Well, I mean religion. He was being marched towards City Hall. Oh shit, the people yelling. Okay, someone stabbed him. Seriously Seriously. And then another person stabbed him Seriously, and then another person stabbed him, and then a third person cut off his head With what? And then? someone put it on a spike.

1:16:26 Well, that was common. And then it was paraded around Paris like a party favor. That was common practice back then. I know Put a head in a pike. I know. I mean, them were the days. I remember them well. Yes, that's fucked up, that's wild. He was like the first major victim of mob violence in the revolutionary, or excuse mob violence in the Revolutionary, or, excuse me, in the Revolution the modern. And it was the start of the revolution's head on the spike type of aesthetic, yeah, yeah. So the storming of the Bastille became a big, flashy message to the monarchy, as in, we're fucking done, even though the building had minimalistic strategic value it was just a symbol.

1:17:19 The revolution kicked into overdrive and to this day, july 14th is France's national holiday. So they consider that their independence day? I think so. Yeah, for lack of a better word. Yeah, okay, yeah, gotcha. So we're only halfway through. That's how much we've been talking in between. Are you fucking serious? No, holy shit. To give you context, I have 14 pages. And what are we on Seven? Oh, my God.

1:17:59 I thought we had less than that. We need to go get our pizza because they close at 9 and they're going to call us, so we need to take a breather. To this day. July 14th is France's national holiday, so my parents always used to go to Bastille Days in Milwaukee. Have you ever been? No, I did not know of such a thing. I don't. I want to say they've taken me in the past. I don't recall, though I'm almost positive I've gone with them, but it's been a long, long, long time.

1:18:43 I don't recall it French-based, obviously, so you think it is about this? It sounds similarish yeah but I always remember my mom and dad, always like like going to bastille days, which is french, so anyways sorry so then, yes, on october 5th and 6th in 1789 october 5th and 6th in 1789, there was a rumor that was spread that the royal family was hoarding grain.

1:19:24 They were keeping it from the peasant folk, Mm-hmm oh shit, and Marie Antoinette was still throwing parties at this time. Yeah, they're not going to be favorable to that. A crowd of mostly working-class women had had enough, I'm sure this time, yeah, they're not gonna be favorable to that. A crowd of mostly working class women had had enough. I'm sure. And on the morning of October 5th, thousands of women armed with kitchen knives oh shit Spikes and potentially pitchforks. We're gonna go there and torches. They march, exactly. They march the 12 miles through the rain from Paris to Versailles. I thought it was 20. My bad, it's 12. I mean I'm going to hold a SU for the rest of your life, but it's okay yeah.

1:20:06 So it's 12 miles from Paris to Versailles. What do you mean? Probably Some men joined, yeah, they. Some men joined, yeah, they brought cannons. It was miserable, but they were motivated. I mean, can you blame them? They stormed into the palace grounds they demanded bread. Okay, and constitutional monarchy, oh shit. All right, that seems drastic and that the king come back to Paris the 12 miles, okay and see what the hell is happening under his quote unquote control, his tutelage.

1:20:47 Yeah. Like let's see what's actually happening underneath your rule. I'm going to go with. It doesn't bode well. I mean, I know what happens to him, but it's not going to bode well. The mob broke into the palace. Yeah, killed a couple of guards. Oh dear. And tried to reach Marie Antoinette in her bedroom. They killed D'Artagnan. What. Nothing, huh D'Artagnan. Huh, three Musketeers. Come on, you know the Three Musketeers. I've never seen it never read it, never have done anything about it. But we're talking about Marie Antoinette here. Are you confused? No, I was literally talking about French shit with you in accordance to this fucking episode, but I feel like the one who's confused is Carry on.

1:21:37 She barely escaped into another room with the help of her guards. Yeah, and one of the more famous moments she actually stepped out onto the balcony, completely exposed to everybody below her, and the mob was like screaming for her head and instead of panicking she stared them all down like individually yeah, individually, that's right. And then Louis XVI gave in. He agreed to move the royal family to Paris, specifically to to Lurie's agree to move the rural family to Paris. Okay, specifically to Toulouris Palace, toulouris Palace.

1:22:24 Hold on, let me move my family. Toulouris Palace. Let me move my family to another palace. Hold please, it sounds terrible. Essentially it was like a fancy prison with curtains, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure he didn't think that way, but ultimately it looks that way. yes, the marchers made him ride back with them. Okay. Along with a wagon Wagon, a wagon of flour, which they found in Versailles. Aka, they were hoarding a little bit, well, okay. No shit.

1:23:04 I mean, it's the king. He's going to get more than the peasants, yes. So of course he's going to hoard some shit because he wants to get fed For sure, More than he wants his subjects to get fed. His what. Subjects is what I said, anywho, yeah. In June 1791,. That's a good year. King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette tried to flee Paris with their kids and a few loyal servants. Yes, Bradley. What are the kids' names?

1:23:45 They each have like four or five names long. I'm not going to go into it. Do you have them? No, okay, so that's, but their goal is to make it to the border, link up with royalist troops and rally support to take back control of the country. Okay, but it went terribly. The royal family had been basically under house arrest in the palace since the Women's March and Louis had reluctantly accepted the constitutional monarchy. But he was not on board with this whole power to the people thing. Well, and this whole thing is, this is the whole French Revolution, which is huge, I mean very pivotal in history really, because it overthrew the monarchy, put in a democracy, basically, and he was the last one, and they kick.

1:24:42 Marie was secretly writing to her relatives in Austria begging for military help. Yeah like hey. She and Louis believed that once they reached safety they could overturn the revolution. Yeah, they were. What were you going to say? 100% wrong. So the plan Mission Ridiculous. They decided to go into disguise by dressing as commoners. Okay. And Louis pretended to be a servant and the queen a governess. Maria brought a lot of luggage because of course she did.

1:25:23 I feel like that would give away your secret. Not only that, but they used a giant royal coach to travel. You're trying to be incognito. Why would you do that? They meet at about 150 miles northeast of Paris. That's actually pretty impressive. And they were recognized by a postmaster who happened to know that Louis' face is on a fucking coin. Dude, you look like the guy on this coin that I have. He's like. Dude, this is like your profile man. That's you man. Can I use your autograph?

1:26:03 So the public felt super betrayed. Can you blame them? Yeah, I mean, they're in the middle of a fucking revolution and he's like no man, I ain't that guy. The trust in the monarchy collapsed. It became clear that Louis wasn't just incompetent, he was now pretty much an enemy of the people. So from this point forward, calls to abolish the monarchy altogether grew a lot louder. It was a major turning point in the revolution. Yeah, and by summer night 1792 things started spiraling okay the royal family was imprisoned at the palace under tight guard.

1:26:45 Yeah, the people were furious about them, high, like leaving the palace and like trying to like. Well, right, yeah it was a bad love Trying to escape it, basically. Madame Antoinette was nicknamed Madame Deficit and it turned into Madame Vito. Okay, and everyone suspected that she was secretly colluding with Austria to crush the revolution. I hate colluding. But she like was Well, yeah, she was, they weren't wrong. No they weren't wrong yeah. France had declared war on Austria and Prussia, oh dear, in April 1792, and it was going terribly.

1:27:25 Yeah. Hungry, angry citizens, outside threats, suspicion that the king was a traitor all equaled boom revolution. Like boom boom, boom, boom boom. It was already going on, but it's like fuck yeah. It was like kaboom. Yeah, this is we are doing this shit. Yes, because they were sick of it. Yes, On August 10th. Yeah. Two, nope, 20,000 revolutionaries, including the National Guard and radical Parisians, stormed the palace. Okay, this Toulouse, whatever palace.

1:28:08 And Louis had fled again, this time to a nearby legislative assembly, thinking they'd protect him. Not so much. But the Swiss guards, who were loyal to the king, were slaughtered, bodies everywhere, heads on spikes. It was the best deal to Ponyo, but like bloodier oh boy. Okay, louis and his family were formally arrested and taken to the temple prison. Oh, shit. On August 13th, he was stripped of his title. So no more like Louis XIII. Yeah, okay, 16th, 16th, sorry, what did I say? 13th, really? Yeah, damn, I suck.

1:28:48 The legislative assembly was dissolved and replaced by the national convention. Okay. On August 21st, the convention declared, quote there is no longer a monarchy in France. Isn't that wild that like these people got together and were like you know what? No, yeah. No, we're, we're, we're no. I mean, they basically went to democracy, right. Yeah, they're like, this is no longer a thing, king Silly, what was that? I can't recreate it. I wish you wouldn't make me. But no, it's like it's mind boggling.

1:29:33 It's like, no, we just we don't agree with this. You are no longer in power, and they've been in power for. Thousands of years, kings have been in power. thousands of years there Between England, france, all in between, whatever. They're like nope, we don't recognize your power here anymore, and it's like I was king today. Nope, we don't recognize your power here anymore, and it's like I was king today. Tomorrow not so much. And it's like holy fuck. So after the monarchy was abolished, in August 1792, louis went from your majesty to Louis Capet or Capet to Louis Capet or Capay Capay.

1:30:18 So basically you're just Joe Schmo Capay. He was put on trial in December 1792 by the National Convention charged with treason. See so why? Or conspiring with foreign powers, true-ish, fleeing the Okay, sorry, conspiring with foreign powers, okay. True-ish. Ish Fleeing the country. Very true, True-ish yeah, and undermining the revolution at every turn. It's like do you blame him? Though? He wasn't undermining the revolution. He was trying to stop it because he was king, yes, and the revolution was to stop him from being king yes. So he wasn't really undermining, he was trying to fucking, just nope.

1:31:01 Yeah, nope, okay, but this part's interesting, so focus. I mean all of it is but. Listen, the National Convention had 749 deputies 749. A simple majority was needed to pass any resolution. Oh, 100%. So the threshold for a binding decision like executing a king yes, half of that would be of 7 would be 375 if you round up 375. Because it's not an even number. Yep votes are needed.

1:31:41 Okay, here's a twist. Not everybody voted In every single aspect of this vote, so so is. By the time of the final Execution vote, only 721 deputies casted valid votes. Out of the 749. Yep, so 721. Half of 721 is 361, majority 361, you're rounded up 361. 361 is the majority. Yes, 361 is the majority. Each deputy had to stand up and speak their vote aloud. The vote to execute Louis XVI 361.

1:32:30 Oh shit. One vote was between life and death 's amazing one really wow and he's like did I make it? wow that's wild, yeah, okay marie's downfall took a little bit longer yeah but it still happened. She was now known as the widow capay, thrown into a dank cell alone, watched constantly. Her health deteriorated apparently she. Her hair turned white oh really yeah, like it wasn't that far difference in time frame.

1:33:15 What color was her hair? It was blonde. It was kind of a darker blonde. He was a little bit lighter blonde, so like the, Kirsten Dunst. She was too blonde for it. Well, I mean, but she was blonde. She was Anyways and her children were taken from her. Her child began on October 14th 1793. Her charges were treason, incest. Which I feel okay. I mean go back to Henry VIII and all that stuff. Different country obviously, but I feel like they just throw their shit on there.

1:33:56 Oh yeah, they said incest with her own son. Do you want to tell the folks what you're drinking? Gin and tonic. I'm feeling supersonic. You could have it all, but how much do you want it? Of course she didn't actually partake in incest, no, no, they just made that shit up to Shock the public. Shock the public. That's basically what they did. Pile charges on whatever you want to call it, but fuck, that's just like Anne Boleyn fucking her brother. Mm-hmm, so Marie's verdict guilty, of course. Sentence death by guillotine, guilt, guillotine, whatever Guillotine.

1:34:40 I like guillotine, let's go with guillotine. Her final moment. On October 16th, she wrote a farewell letter to her sister-in-law, which was never delivered. Oh, she dressed in a plain white gown. Okay, white was the color of royal mourning at that time in France. Gotcha. So it was kind of like a subtle jab, but she rode to her execution in an open cart. Okay. Louis got a carriage. Oh Pansy. She stood tall, poised, pale, thin, but whatever. But whatever. She climbed the scaffold and accidentally stepped on the executioner's foot and famously said quote pardon me, sir, I did not do it on purpose.

1:35:26 End quote At 12.15, the blade fell, the crowd cheered and the monarchy was officially dead and buried. Louis died conflicted, confused and probably still thinking that something could have been worked out. Yeah, he's like. What did I? do wrong man. And Maria died defiant, elegant and tragically misunderstood. So I heard the whole let them eat cake thing was actually a myth. You did hear that. Yeah, yeah, is that true? Yeah, it's a myth. Yeah. It was written in the books years prior to her ever being queen Right.

1:36:12 So why was that like a thing? I don't know how it happened. No, okay, but yeah, that's the story of Marie Antoinette. It's crazy because I mean, what a time you think you're going to be like I'm queen of France and all that shit and whatever. And they're like, yeah, we don't want a king and a queen anymore, so you're going to have to go and oh, I think by that means we're going to kill you, yeah. And I'm going to go by Kate's words by a guillotine, Guillotine, Guillotine. I like guillotine, but you know what I mean. It's like wait what? How did you like the summer stew?

1:36:53 Did you like it? I did. It could have been a bit colder, personally that's our bad, but that was our bad. No, but the drink is good, I like it so, dano, did we mention this earlier? he gave us that sample. It was fucking delicious. So I was looking for a podcast beer for us for today and and I'm like, ooh, we tried it but we haven't had it per se. So I got us that and, yes, I'm currently drinking a cocktail, but whatever, sorry, pseudo, it's delicious, I like it. Sorry, pseudo, it's delicious, I like it.

1:37:36 It's quite different from just regular pseudo-sue, obviously, but no, it was good. What? did you think of it? I liked it a lot. Yeah, Good yeah. Welp, I suppose. All right, buffoons. That's it for today's episode. Buckle up, because we've got another historical adventure waiting for you. Next time Feeling hungry for more buffoonery, or maybe you have a burning question or a wild historical theory for us to explore. Hit us up on social media. We're History Buffoons Podcast on YouTube X, instagram and Facebook. You can also email us at historybuffoonspodcast at gmailcom. We are Bradley and Kate. Music by Corey Akers.

1:38:17 Follow us wherever you get your podcasts and turn those notifications on to stay in the loop. Until next time, stay curious and don't forget to rate and review us. Remember, the buffoonery never stops. Love it, love it. It really does me.